My Granny, My Blessing

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy New You and all that good stuff! I can NOT believe it has been almost two months since my last post. There has been so much going on, I'd have to blog all day to tell you what was going on..but, like the older saints used to say at my home church, 'Charge it to my head and not my heart!'

Now, if you go back through my blog, you'll read that my granny has Alzheimer's Disease. Over the past two years, the progression of this disease has been extremely rapid. When we first started noticing little odds and ends, my mother, aunt, uncle and myself, thought nothing of it..until she came to help take care of Jocelyn and didn't know that she had three children (she couldn't remember giving birth to my mom). After that, things got extremely difficult and it seemed almost instantly, she went from stage 1 to stage 3-4. (In case you're not familiar with Alzheimer's Disease, follow this link for more information http://www.alz.org/)

As the disease got worse.. so did my granny's actions, vocabulary and of course, memory. She lost a generation of her family. My mother and I are her sisters and she doesn't remember that some of her siblings have passed away (my granny is the oldest of 12!) Her prognosis bothered me slightly until she know longer knew who I was. I was hurt and sad that the person I admired and loved, did not know that I was Ashley, her granddaughter--whom she raised. I tried to let it go and to not think about it.. I kept telling myself that it was the disease.. and I know it is. But, being forgotten, is.. well.. hurtful. I eventually cried and cried and cried.. and I prayed and prayed and prayed.. that my granny would always be, my granny. That I would not let this disease allow me to forget who she was and is to me.. that I would cherish her just the same as I did when she knew me.. the wisdom and kind heart she showed toward others, stays with me.. regardless of her mind.

Last weekend, I was able to go home and while it was soo good to be with my mother, in laws and sisters from other mothers, it was still hard to see my granny. She didn't know totally who I was and I could see in her eyes, she barely knows who anyone is.. it was disheartening. However, at the end of my trip, the somewhat hardest moment came when we put my granny into the Alzheimer's unit of a nursing home. It has been a difficult week because of so many transitions (me returning to Durham sick, Jocelyn sick, work, Jeremy's school work, the Indiana snowstorm) but my mom goes and visits when she can and reassures me that my granny is all good.. having fun and that this will help her, as the Alzheimer's progresses. I wasn't convinced until I talked to her myself and she sounded so peaceful.. that put me at ease. My mom then told me Granny even has a little circle of friends and they get their hair done! Lol.. I can see my granny getting pampered and loving it.. :)

Just wanted to keep you up-to-date on my granny. The aging process is difficult so please continue to pray for my granny and our family.. Thanks for taking this journey with me too.. this has truly helped me, help my family. :)

Joyful for my Granny,

~Mrs. G

(I lovingly borrowed the saying, my granny, my blessing from my best friends, Tennia. Thanks, T! :)

Tis the Season Update

Update: God is in the blessing business!! At the beginning of the week, I was feeling down by having given the last of what we had.. and, low and behold, a blessed couple, blessed us with a gift card for food and gas!! Look at God! Now, I'm not telling you to tithe so that you can get something in return, I'm telling you to tithe because God honors your faith and devotion to Him.. Jesus is the reason to give!

Miracle on Mayfield,

~Mrs. G

Today on facebook (my favorite past time—hey, don’t judge me!), I put on my status that I needed a miracle. I said that because Jeremy and I are down to our last (and I mean our complete last) and with the little money we do have, I paid tithes. And mentally, I kept trying to come up with a reason to wait to give..I would forget and think about it and get convicted and try to ration with God.. I feel like I work so hard for the little money I do make that I need to keep something!

And then, I thought about the season we’re in.. and I think the real reason I want more money (because in all actuality—its more than enough) is so I can get things I want.. a pretty Christmas tree, lights for Jocelyn to break (smh), really nice gifts for our family members and just to say we have (and maybe so I can get some shoes out of the deal—but hey! Don’t judge me!)

But I get convicted because I would get upset with people who talk more about presents than the real reason for the Christmas season.. CHRIST! Growing up, I would hear my friends talk about what they would get their parents or as adults, what they would get their kids and I never understood, why getting broke for some gifts were so important! And here I am, complaining about not having enough for the same things I got frustrated about.

And then it dawned on me!

My miracle has already happened! The real and ultimate reason for CHRISTmas! Jesus! Emmanuel!

Yes, Christmas is pretty with lights and bows and money is funny and comes and goes but joy, love and more of Christ is the real reason for this season. The ultimate blessing in this is that Jeremy and I can teach Jocelyn about the real meaning of Christmas without the presents but with the presence of Jesus (ponder that).

Now, here I am at the end of the blog, no longer worried about the money we don’t have but the joy we do have for what we have. We still wake up in a warm home, with food and diapers, cable and toys. How can I be so ungrateful!? Forgive me Lord! And thank You for being the ultimate miracle!

As the 25th approaches, please remember the real reason for Christmas. It’s difficult to purchase presents and to give, if we don’t know why we’re giving.


Learning presents vs. presence,
~Mrs. G

The First 45

Wow! Time has truly flown by! It’s November already, meaning that a new year is approaching!!

For me, this year has been the year of faith. Growing up, I wasn’t taught how or when to activate my faith.. so this year has been difficult as I’ve learned to come into my own—spiritually and somehow through that, emotionally. But, this post is not to discuss my faith or my journey...

This post is about you! With 45 days left in this year I’m writing to urge you to do something (within God’s eyes) that you never thought possible... to step out on faith and watch how transformed your mind, your actions, your daily routine becomes.

God has been really been working with me on numbers and understanding how He works.. in His time. (I’ll get into this in another blog—soon.. I promise!)—Often, we are stifled by what we can’t see and don’t know.. but surrendering everything to God.. is so awesome.. and makes life less complicated. Before we moved, my best friend encouraged me by saying, “your move is like jumping and not looking.. and having the faith to know that God will land you securely where you need to be.” (Thanks, BFF!)

So for you, unsure of how to manage a relationship, unsure of which career path to take, what church to go to.. you have 45 days to take baby steps in your faith journey.. I guarantee you by January 1, the New Year’s resolution you usually create, will not be necessary because you trust God to do the unthinkable.

Prayer is essential for this 45 day journey so email me (gilmore06@gmail.com) and I will pray with you. Please know that surrendering is not an easy task.. it’s going to be difficult and emotionally draining but He promised us that He will never leave us.. He’s a comforter! And that is reassuring to know :).

So.. let the 45 day journey begin… I hope today you step out on faith and watch what mountains {see below} you move!

Moving Mountains,
~Mrs. G


Matthew 17:19-21 (NLT)--Afterward the disciples asked Jesus privately, “Why couldn’t we cast out that demon?” “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

My Two JA(D)G's

I have been thinking about what I would blog about for the past week.. and I couldn't come up with anything worth writing or reading about.. until, I thought of what makes me happy..

and these two make me happy :)

Since we've moved to Durham, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions.. (as you can read in my previous posts) and no matter what.. Jeremy and Jocelyn have been encouraging in one way or another.


Like Jeremy, for instance, listens when I can not decide what I want to do with anything! My hair, school, career.. he's always listening and praying. Through my tears, he manages to make me laugh and through my smile, he manages to make me smile harder. Even with his intense school load, he's there for me.



And Jocelyn, my little poo-poo, never ceases to amaze me! Like, when she blows me kisses or jumps on me when we're lying on the floor.. Or how she knows sign language and loves helping me in the kitchen! Such an inquisitive little person! Her smile melts my heart and her tantrums make me cringe.. but she's there for me..

So, I dedicate this blog to my JA(d)G's.. My two loves, my hearts, my encouragement..

*Photography by Elaine Bollhorst of Bloomington, Indiana

Giant Drop

If you have ever heard of Six Flags (there's one near the Chicago area, Texas, over St. Louis, Atlanta, etc), they have this ride called the Giant Drop. This ride sits 227 feet in the air, rises slowly after being locked in with a metal bar, no foot rest and drops suddenly at 62 MPH to the ground. The ride lasts 1 min and 30 sec.

Like this and any roller coaster, over the last two weeks, I have been so uncomfortable. Its so hard to explain but I am not sure how to handle this move. I've only gone out sporadically, not by myself and find comfort in our new apartment. Jeremy and everyone else remind me that everything will workout or to become aggressive in my job search..but in reality, to me, that's easy for everyone to say because Jeremy has school and the encouragement is..well, comfortable. It's hard to feel like things will be ok when I have no idea what I want or what to expect. And while I'm grateful for the support of our family and friends, I feel like my feet are dangling beneath me with no indication of when I will feel the world to stand on. For the first time in 5 years, I am totally insecure.. I know I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, and I know one thing...

My life is no giant drop! I know that my security consists of more than a bar that rests across me and while I may not see it, I know that in His time, all will work. Eventually, I will land on my feet and feel the security that only comes with assurance in God and not in people. It's hard right now, (and I mean REAL hard) but God will reveal Himself in His time.

Pray for my self esteem.. starting over is not all its cracked up to be.. more specifically, pray that I am able to assert myself to be and do what I'm supposed to do in Durham.

Holding on,
~Mrs. G

Emotional Rollercoaster

So, this is probably my last Indiana blog! The big move is 2 days away and I am a whirlwind of emotions! I'm peaceful because I know that God has directed our path.. I'm extremely sad because we're leaving our mothers, my granny and extended family; work. But, a little unsure (yet faithful) of whats to come and excited for the mini vacay as we explore what the town has to offer and to experience life closer to both the ocean and the mountains..

Stay tuned to our video blog! We're chronologing our journey from Indiana to North Carolina.. It's going to be so fun!! :) The next time I talk to you.. I'll be a Durham resident!

Ready for the ride,
~Mrs. G

Baby Steps

In May, Jocelyn would take a couple of steps and fall down. It was like she wanted to walk but something kept her down.. I thought she was nervous or bashful that we (I) wanted her to walk so badly, that she just wouldn't do it. I eventually realized Jocelyn didn't either trust herself to make these steps, or us to keep her from falling.


Like faith, we all have these moments.. in my faith walk, I first began with no steps.. then, baby steps. Although I'm an adult and have known Jesus for quite some time, I often took (and still revert back to) baby steps--one step at a time or would fall when it comes to my faith walk.. because I couldn't trust God to keep me from falling. Moving away from our family, friends, sorors and church family, has been the hardest thing I have ever had to encounter.. moving with no job, no sense of a plan, with limited funds, has been emotionally draining. But, as I watched my daughter grow more confident in her walking abilities, I too became more comfortable with relocating and have complete trust that my steps are ordered by God. Once Jocelyn started walking, I became less worried on how we were going to make this transition more comfortable and more at peace with moving to a new beginning.


I thank God for my mother-- who inspite of her baby leaving, supports our faith move; my mother-in-law for giving Jeremy the final encouragement he's needed; my best friends (from both EC and Bloomington) for giving me the push I need as a wife and mother to be secure in taking care of my family; my church family and life group for being our spiritual sound board and for Jeremy.. for trusting God to take our ministry to new heights, in Him.


Next time you're feeling like you are unsure of your next steps, begin taking baby steps.. God will do the rest!

Walking confidently with Jocelyn,
~Mrs. G