Much Needed Prayers

The effectual fervent prayers of the righteous availeth much (James 5:16b).

Recently, I have been going through! I mean.. I can't tell if I'm coming or going. There are so many situations going on in my life and my family, that I am just mentally exhausted! Focusing on one thought daily, has become tedious.. and its get hard to keep going. I have great days because Jeremy and Jocelyn motivate me and my God teaches me, but the bad days are so low.. I feel like I could literally crawl under a rock and stay there.

So, this blog is to ask you to pray with and for me. Familial, we've got some big changes coming up and, God is moving in The Gilmore Ministry.. But, dealing with the world can be overwhelming.. so, please during your prayer time, mediation time, talks with the Master.. kindly whisper my name, for strength, peace and for my family.

On Bended Knee,
~Mrs. G

The Virtue of Patience

You know.. today has truly been a test of patience. And, I think.. no, I know I failed. My granny is visiting for the Easter holiday and to give my mom a break. When she came to visit while Jeremy was in Africa (by the way check out his blog.. www.faithtravels.blogspot.com), things were ok for the most part. During that visit however, I knew the Alzheimer's has claimed some more brain cells and that this battle, was only going to get worse. My granny told me that I was not her granddaughter and basically, she didn't know who I was. Because I was so busy, I couldn't cry or even think about it until I was on my way back to Bloomington and it hurt.. To know the granny, I love so dearly.. my homie.. didn't and couldn't return that love. Alzheimer's is a beast!

Fast forward to today.. I brought my granny back to Bloomington and I think I may be regretting that move. When I met my Aunt in Indianapolis to pick granny up, she was wearing a gown and said it was a dress.. I knew then, in just 3 short weeks, she was deteriorating, quickly. When we got home, the stuff hit the fan! She thought I was her sister and just snapped! I became all types of names.. liar, thief, low-down and what made it worse.. she told Jocelyn was not my daughter.. in front of my daughter! Now.. you may think that is not a big deal or she's not in her right mind.. but, it js hard to still deal with that! So, the virtue of patience kicks in. Instead of yelling back, I calmly explained to my granny that she has a disease that causes her to not remember who I am, where she is or what day of the week it is. That did not calm her down and she said she was leaving (now, here I did get huffy.. but not loud) So.. in an effort to maintain my coolness, Jocey and I left the house. I tried to call my best friends and just like I knew He would, God allowed both to be busy. So, I drove in silence and prayed for strength and extra patience.

I know the Lord is teaching me how to be patient and to understand the aging process, but its getting hard.. and, I'm losing it.. slowly. So, please, please, PUH-lease pray that I am able to maintain sanity this week, not only for my own health, but for my family. When my grandmother leaves, we have to still live here and we like our peace! Lift us up, ya'll..it's hard out here in B-town!

Losing Patience,
~Mrs. G

The Gilmore's- 10 Year Update

On Thursday, Jeremy and I will have been together (as a couple) for 10 (count them..10!) years! In 2000, I don't know where I saw our relationship going but over the last 10 years, I truly appreciate where our relationship has come from and where we are going.

The first five years were pretty good. We communicated and grew together and eventually grew apart.

*Let me first say that without mad counseling and the Lord, Jeremy and I would not be husband and wife. See, in 2005, when we both graduated with our 1st degrees, our relationship was in shambles. I was an unfaithful girlfriend who liked to party and he was a busy boyfriend, preaching the Gospel. Not a good match..or so we thought. We had been engaged for a year on the day I graduated and Jeremy knew what his next step was.. and I didn't. I had no idea what to do with my life and I felt like he was leaving me behind. Yet, instead of me communicating this with him, I sought companionship in someone else. This drove a further wedge between our relationship.

I was in East Chicago and Jeremy was still in Bloomington working for a summer program. The distance put a strain on our communicating and we barely talked. So, I drove to Bloomington in so that Jeremy and I can end our engagement and eventually, our relationship.

However..there was a ram in the bush.. Jesus, prayer and counseling, communicating and faith, saved our relationship.. and here we are today.. happy, learning, growing and exploring. And while I have complained about Rev. G, he stood by me when I was learning me and he's helped me see the good in me and other people. I truly appreciate him! After all the drama, mess and foolishness, Jeremy noticed something in me, that I didn't and stuck it out. And, I'm grateful.

So.. I dedicate this post to my baby daddy, my ultimate best friend, the man that makes me laugh everyday and my pastor.. Happy 10 years, Jeremy. I look forward to many more years with you.

Gotta a mighty, mighty good man,
~Mrs. G

When I Remember..

Today, I'm a 27 years-old. Yay!! Happy birthday to me! Even though I'm a year older, I remember so many things! (Some say the older you get, the less you remember.. that's not the case for me!)

I remember when I got my first TV or when I had to go to a Catholic School for getting into trouble.. (Yes, I was bad! :).. I remember grieving the loss of my father and hating the first two years and loving the last two years of high school. I remember working every summer since I was 15 and not knowing where my money went.. and driving around East Hammond with my girls.. I remember making great friends at Purdue and joining the best sorority! EE-yip! I remember the first card Jeremy got me (10 years ago today!) and our wedding day..being so high. And last year, realizing on my next birthday- I was going to be someone's mother.

Through all of these memories, I know what has kept me.. My homie, Jesus. He's allowed me to grow so much in my 27 years.. to love people and most importantly, to love me! 10 years ago, I didn't love me.. I didn't even know me. But, today..I love the new me.. So, Happy birthday to me! The beginning of a real, new year!

Wanting some cake,
~Mrs. G

Bearing My Fruit

Things have been rough recently with my granny. I've experienced countless emotions: from anger to sadness and even joy and humor (if I don't laugh, I'll cry all the time!) Its hard dealing with my mom, my granny and manage my immediate household. Jeremy and Jocelyn need me too.. But, these days I've found myself losing patience with anything that crosses my path.. Its getting rough out here on these streets!

So, Wednesday in my Life Group (shout out to my LG! :), I learned in Galatians 5, that as a Christian wife and mother, I need to bear the fruit that I need the most work on: Patience. In order to know how to water this fruit patience, I first needed to know what it meant.. so I looked it up! And according to Merriam-Webster, patience is: bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint; steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity; able or willing to bear. Not hasty or impetuous; manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain.

Man! Who knew patience entailed all of that! Not complaining, being calm, being able to bear all of the strain that comes with knowing my granny who has Alzheimer's Disease, doesn't remember I'm her granddaughter or a mother who is enrolled in a Master's program and being the only visually impaired student or having a husband who may not know what it means to be extremely close to a grandparent or a daughter who is moving so fast, you wonder if time can slow down, just a little.

BUT! This month, I have resolved in my own mind to be calm, cool and patient. To attempt to take my complaints from my mouth and focus on how I need to grow from all of this. I thank God He made me someone who can let go of what I used to be, to become who I need to be: a woman who endures adversity and grows from them.

This month, I challenge you to find the fruit in your life that either needs planting or watering.. learn how you can grow and be better.. and maybe more patient.

Watering my seed,
~Mrs. G

Happy New You!

Well, the new year is upon us. And at the end of every year, someone or something encourages us to review the past year and set resolutions for the next year. Last Sunday at church (we went in Hammond for my niece's dedication) the pastor talked about making drastic changes regarding friends and decisions and remembering how you got where you are.

This morning, I received my devotional from Streaming Faith and the guest columnist, Milan Ford, provided some much needed advice for the transition from 2009 to 2010. In this powerful devotional, Milan stresses that the harvest (rather good or bad) that was sewn this year, is what we will reap next.. so, those "Lord, I need 2010 to be better than 2009," will only come into fruition based on the seeds sewn. This spoke to me because I want 2010 to be the year for mad growth, but what seeds have I sown that will cause 2010 to be better? Regardless of what we're asking for.. the primary goal is to be ready and to produce effective seeds.

So.. for a Happy New You (and Me) we have to find the seeds that won't produce much growth. Find out what bad apples are apart of your life that will only continue to rot and stop growing..make 2010 a year that we let go (and I mean.. for real, let go) of those people, things, addictions, attitudes, behaviors, thoughts and motives that will not and do not make us ready for a bountiful harvest.

I pray that 2010 is all that you want it to be. BUT.. that's up to you and what you've done in 2009. Below you'll find the link to today's devotional.. read it. It's good. Also, are some scripture reference to help with your harvest.

Here's to a Happy New Us!

Sowing and Reaping,
~Mrs. G

Job 4:8- Even as I have seen, they that plow iniquity, and sow wickedness, reap the same.

2Cor. 9:6- But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.

Gal 6: 7,8-Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

http://www.streamingfaith.com/community/devotional/devotional.aspx?DevotionalId=2371

Confessions of a Counselor

*DISCLAIMER* This blog is real and personal. It is written in hopes of receiving prayer and advice on how to deal with family*

My name is Ashley.. and I have a problem. Yes.. the counselor has problems too.

My grandmother is and always has been a strong part of my life. She raised me, prayed for me, loved me and as I got older, listened to me. Over the last two years however, she has transitioned (physically and mentally) and become a different granny. The house she once lived in was bought and sold with no warning, forcing her to move into a senior citizens home in the worst part of our city. From there, she stopped working, eating and became just mean! And.. its my granny, so for me to admit this means something is different and its scary yet realistic. I would call her and she would be so rude, I would hang up the phone and just cry. I repeatedly asked God, 'what's wrong.. why is she acting like this?!' I chalked it up to her being in a depressing environment.. she never wanted to go anywhere. She stopped being active and it really bothered our family.

Then last November, my grandmother just decided she was going to leave and move to St. Louis with her daughter. I (being so smart ;), knew this was a bad (and I mean BAD) idea and eventually, this arrangement did not work (but, the outcome came with much, MUCH drama!). In April of this year, granny moved to Florida, which was assumed by my mother, uncle and I, to be the best option. Now.. here we are, one year later and my granny is back in East Chicago (again, with much drama!).

*Now, here is the kicker*

When Jocelyn was born, my grandmother came to visit. We had an incident that caused an emotional mess..She could not remember birthing my mother.. my mother was her sister (to granny). My good friend was here when this incident happened and it only got worse from there. I began researching Alzheimer's and Dementia. She was forgetting very important things and became even more mean.. like, she had a chip on her shoulder! All the time!

This situation became so emotionally draining, I had to step aside and ask: Lord.. how can this happen to my grandmother? Why is she so mean? What if she doesn't have Alzheimer's/Dementia? What now? How do we mend the broken relationships that have been caused by the decisions of my granny/family? Why are my mother and I the only ones who would entertain the idea Alzheimer's/Dementia? How does this affect my husband and my daughter?

Its hard..my granny is my homie and she's changing.. It's easier to accept when people are younger and they change, but when someone you have known for 20+ years, drastically changes.. its hard.. and sad. I love my granny.. but I'm unsure of how to feel, how to proceed. Now what?

Bearing it all,
Mrs. G