If you have ever heard of Six Flags (there's one near the Chicago area, Texas, over St. Louis, Atlanta, etc), they have this ride called the Giant Drop. This ride sits 227 feet in the air, rises slowly after being locked in with a metal bar, no foot rest and drops suddenly at 62 MPH to the ground. The ride lasts 1 min and 30 sec.
Like this and any roller coaster, over the last two weeks, I have been so uncomfortable. Its so hard to explain but I am not sure how to handle this move. I've only gone out sporadically, not by myself and find comfort in our new apartment. Jeremy and everyone else remind me that everything will workout or to become aggressive in my job search..but in reality, to me, that's easy for everyone to say because Jeremy has school and the encouragement is..well, comfortable. It's hard to feel like things will be ok when I have no idea what I want or what to expect. And while I'm grateful for the support of our family and friends, I feel like my feet are dangling beneath me with no indication of when I will feel the world to stand on. For the first time in 5 years, I am totally insecure.. I know I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, and I know one thing...
My life is no giant drop! I know that my security consists of more than a bar that rests across me and while I may not see it, I know that in His time, all will work. Eventually, I will land on my feet and feel the security that only comes with assurance in God and not in people. It's hard right now, (and I mean REAL hard) but God will reveal Himself in His time.
Pray for my self esteem.. starting over is not all its cracked up to be.. more specifically, pray that I am able to assert myself to be and do what I'm supposed to do in Durham.
Holding on,
~Mrs. G
