Overwhelmed

4 weeks from today, Jeremy, Jocelyn and I will welcome Baby Jaelle (Jah-L) into our home.

And I am completely overwhelmed! Not only because there are tons of things that need to be done-- that's called nesting-- but because I am the only child. My mother and Granny raised just me, with no sibling, no one to share my toys with. And here I am-- having to teach, not one, but two girls, how to be ladies, how to be wives, and sisters! Something I have no real concept of. I have to teach my girls how to share what for three years, have been Jocey's toys. I have to do twists (I still can't braid) on two heads-- I have to raise two little fashionistas-- I have to raise two Virtuous Women. And that. Is overwhelming!

I've sought prayer, advice and support from my friends with multiple children and they all say the same thing: 'You'll be fine. You're aware of it, so you're able to be more conscious of what not to do.'

Thanks, friends. But in reality, that's not always comforting. 

I am still overwhelmed. Lol!

And I know people who do it all the time. They raise children, work full-time, love their husbands.. they make it work. But at what cost? A wise co-worker told me, just last week.. at some point, you can't be the best at everything, everyday. One day, something at work will have to give (in this job... that ain't happenin') or the laundry will have to wait and that bathroom will have to wait one extra day to be cleaned. My mother scoffed when I told her that about the waiting to clean bathrooms. It all sounds good right? But in this society (and I'm learning this at my job), perfection and excellence is something that I'm supposed to strive for.

There are no shortcuts, no mistakes... no normalcy-- 

and that's overwhelming.

Having two children overwhelms me-- honoring and loving my husband and taking care of our home while working full-time, overwhelms me.

Pray for me friends-- that I'm able to still be Ashley, Jeremy's wife/co-laborer in Ministry, Jocelyn and Jaelle's mother, Hope's daughter, friend, detailed co-worker.. and that I can be happy and not anxious. (I hate this word!!)

Because at the moment-- I'm overwhelmed.

Seeing solace,
~Mrs. G

Words with Friends

Recently, I've become addicted to a phenomenon 'Words with Friends.' This game is similar to Scrabble but played on Androids or iPhone's where you invite your friends to play. My usual opponent is Jeremy (who beats me almost every time) along with some fellow Boilers, Sorors or my friends!  I am addicted to Words with Friends. It's a good thinking game and allows you to brag on who's better at word play. Usually-- not me.

But today, as I was washing dishes, I realized that the title of this game has more power than just forming words on a board to see who has the best score. Words with Friends is a lifestyle that we should live. Not a game but to love our friends and speak words of love and encouragement into and over them.

Since I've been pregnant, I've heard the sentence 'Pregnancy agrees with you-- you look so good" almost daily. At first, I would get irritated and wonder, 'How are pregnant women supposed to look?' But what became most important are the words from my friends-- to encourage me to look my best, even when I'm exhausted or hungry, sad or just plain irritated (blame it on the hormones). Words should uplift and love not hurt; encourage not discourage. Proverbs 16:24 says "Kind words are like honey sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."  Life and death are in the power of your tongue! 

Words with to friends not only enhances those you're loving on--but makes you a person of loving speech. 

Oh! And, receiving words from friends is not a bad thing either-- it encourages you to be the best you and to pass the love of encouragement on to the next friend.

Lord, forgive me for not loving my friends, with words. Teach me to have a heart of cheerfulness and to uplift  my friends, more often than I do. Thank you that you speak words of love and reassurance, daily. In Your Name, Amen!

Refreshed by my friends,
~Mrs. G

For the Right Reason...

I am a jealous person. I will admit it. I get so frustrated when I think about where Jeremy and I are as we are approaching 30 and then look at many of our friends who are 30 and so much more established. The houses, new cars, money to travel, new clothes, very low or no daycare bill-- I hate myself for feeling this way. But, yes, I wake up at least once a week, green with envy that many in our support system have so much.

But what makes me even more frustrated is that, I know better!!  I know that what God will do for one, He'll do it for others. But why does it have to be such a slow process?

Then it dawned on me, over the past few weeks. I don't give, genuinely. I give with the expectation to receive something back-- like I'm loaning my tithes to God. Wow. That concept is so convicting! No-- my tithes are my reimbursement to Him for blessing me with my job (and it's the word!). My offering is my contribution to my church to help the church be blessing the community and to my Pastor.

My motives are so wrong! How can I expect God to provide for me but I give half-heartedly?  Sometimes, my worship is half-hearted; sometimes my loving is half-hearted and yes, sometimes my faith is half-hearted. The bible gives many examples of how to live, generously and I have failed at some of these tasks.

Lord, forgive me for wanting to give to receive. Teach me to give generously and give of my time, tithes and talents..for the right reason. To please You and only You. Thank You that you are merciful and continue to show Yourself.

Examining my heart,
~Mrs. G

Romans 12:7-9  (NLT)--If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well.  If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.  Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.

Luke 6:37-39 (NLT)-Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.

 

Updated Birthday Blog :)

Well, I've done some of the things I desire before 30--- here's the revised list :)

• Go to a concert or comedy show (I've never been to one where I've stayed the entire time)-- yes! Saw Esparanza Spalding and Kevin Hart in the same week!!
• Get a massage once a month for 6 months (in the process-- I had one in Feb and need to catch up)
  
• Midnight cruise on a Lake (Not a midnight, but a 3 hour cruise :)

• Have another baby (no, we’re not pregnant) Well, we are having another baby!!! We're excited and will deliver Baby Gilmore 2 on 12/12/12 :)

Stay tuned for more updates!! :)

Mrs.G

Today, I'm 29! I am one year closer to 30-- and I'm looking forward to it!

The last year has been an emotional roller-coaster. Still adjusting to life in Durham, I've stepped out on faith and co- taught a bible study, began working on a nursery ministry, became close with some awesome women, prayed harder than ever before, cried more than I have (I know that's hard to imagine) and learned to communicate more with Jeremy. I've also lost 17 pounds and got a new job that I love!! I've watched my baby, grow into a tall toddler and joined twitter (which I love, sadly)

Over the last 2-3 years, some of my favorite people have turned 30 and they make it look amazing.. so, I figured I'd end this decade with a bang and start my 30's on the right note, too. With that said-- I have a list of things to complete-- by February 15, 2013. With support from the hubby, family and with God's provisions, I pray that I can do some things that I haven’t done in my 20's. You Ready?

• Read 1 book a month (yeah, struggling)
• Go Para-sailing or zip lining (either is fine)
• Buy a pair of shoes each season (too much?)
• Lose another 10-15 pounds
• Go to a concert or comedy show (I've never been to one where I've stayed the entire time)
• Get a massage once a month for 6 months
• Do an art or pottery class
• Fruit picking (strawberries for Jocelyn)
• Midnight cruise on a Lake 
• Have another baby (no, we’re not pregnant)

I'm excited that God has blessed me to see 29. Looking forward to seeing what this year has to offer!

Ready...Set...Go

Happy birthday to me!! :)

~Mrs. G

Jesus' Obituary

Yesterday, we celebrated Mother's Day. As Jeremy and I were talking, I expressed to him one of my the greatest fear prior to having Jocelyn was that I would have to bury my child, prematurely.  And--that got me to thinking about Mary having to bury her only Son and write His obituary. How could she grieve and celebrate his life at the same time? What would she say that would capture the tremendous life, her Son lived. And then have to clean Him up and bury Him?? I would imagine, it would look like this:

Jesus-- Son of Nazareth (Emmanuel)

Sunrise: December 25 B.C.---Sunset: April 4 A.D.

 

Jesus, Son of Nazareth (Emmanuel-- God is with us) was born on a cool night, under the stars upon humble beginnings. Born to the Virgin Mary and The Holy Spirit and reared by Joseph, Jesus was a special baby. Guests from far and wide came to celebrate His birth-- as it was a such a joyous occasion.  

As a child, He spent many days and nights reading, listening and praying. From the moment He entered the world, He was full of light and stayed away from temptations and the tricks of the enemy. 

Jesus was a great friend. He knew He wanted only best friends, so He specifically prayed for His friends-- not only based on characteristics, but because of how their actions would impact His life. Along with His 12 friends, He possessed qualities of leadership, faith and service to All. He was a man of faith, walking on water and a man of great resources-- when He fed 5,000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread or when He turned water into wine at the wedding. Jesus was not only a man of wisdom, He was a man of few but encouraging words.

Jesus loved everyone! The sinner, the liar, the thief, the betrayer, the doubter, You. He was a man who unconditionally loved everyone He knew and didn't know! 

Being a Man of great sacrifice-- Jesus listened to God often and knew His time on this earth was short. As He prepared His last meal, Jesus sought time by Himself to watch and pray. Taking time for rest was a great source of strength for Him. 

Jesus departed this life on Friday evening after suffering a short time. While His death was brutal-- His sacrifice is life-changing.

He lives behind His mother, Mary (Joseph); 12 friends; Simon (Peter), Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James A., Simon (Zealot), Judas & Judas Iscariot (who met an untimely death), Matthias. Other relatives and close friends include Elizabeth, Mary Magdalene and the thief. Ultimately, Jesus has several loved ones that He left behind.

Internment-- The Tomb

RETRACTION: BUT-- THAT'S NOT HOW THE STORY ENDED!!! HE AROSE!!

Jesus has arisen- it is a miracle! My Son, died and rose for You and I!! While I no longer physically can touch Him-- He is always around. He Lives in Me! I am so grateful! God Bless You! ~Mary

Thankful for Mary's faith,

~Mrs. G

Jeremy's Race

When Jeremy went to the library about a week ago, I started thinking about our time together and what we've endured over the course of our relationship—12 years to be exact! One thing that stands out is that Jeremy has never been a physical runner. He runs to play basketball but that's the only running he's done. But-- he's a mental runner. He thinks in marathons-- constant but with ease/skill to not get tired when answering my questions about faith or writing a theology paper on Aquinas, Abelard and Anselm. But he definitely increases his pace or sprints when he's coming up with ways to prohibit me from spending money!

Then, there's his spiritual race. Over the last year and a half-- Jeremy paced himself, as he (we) ran another marathon with this huge step of faith to come to Duke's Divinity School. During this time, he's sprinted again by learning to balance us, his school, his service to church and the juvenile center he serves and be a good friend to his classmates!

These mental races, don't really involve much. Maybe a test here and there-- or a conversation with God but most often, don't require physical skill.

But. A few weeks ago, Jeremy ran his first, physical race—an 8K. To prepare for this race, he needed to prepare his mind to run distances he’d never run before. His training (most weeks) consisted of a short distance, twice a week building up to a long distance that same week and then adding a mile each week thereafter. As the miles increased, so did his speed and his strength—and his courage! And on Saturday—Jeremy crossed the finish line!

Jeremy's finish -- excuse the side view. I can't rotate the pic from my phone :(

Like Jeremy—we must become mentally, physically and even emotionally prepared for the races we run in our lives. Neglecting to take care of ourselves, to plan and to be connected with God can leave us tired and possibly missing the finish line all together.

I am so proud of my husband! I tell him but I want you to know—I am truly proud of him. His endurance, his patience and his skill to not only run a physical and mental race, but most importantly, a spiritual race.

#ProudWife,
~Mrs.G

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Today, I'm 29! I am one year closer to 30-- and I'm looking forward to it!

The last year has been an emotional roller-coaster. Still adjusting to life in Durham, I've stepped out on faith and co- taught a bible study, began working on a nursery ministry, became close with some awesome women, prayed harder than ever before, cried more than I have (I know that's hard to imagine) and learned to communicate more with Jeremy. I've also lost 17 pounds and got a new job that I love!! I've watched my baby, grow into a tall toddler and joined twitter (which I love, sadly)

Over the last 2-3 years, some of my favorite people have turned 30 and they make it look amazing.. so, I figured I'd end this decade with a bang and start my 30's on the right note, too. With that said-- I have a list of things to complete-- by February 15, 2013. With support from the hubby, family and with God's provisions, I pray that I can do some things that I haven’t done in my 20's. You Ready?

• Read 1 book a month
• Go Para-sailing or zip lining (either is fine)
• Buy a pair of shoes each season (too much?)
• Lose another 10-15 pounds
• Go to a concert or comedy show (I've never been to one where I've stayed the entire time)
• Get a massage once a month for 6 months
• Do an art or pottery class
• Fruit picking (strawberries for Jocelyn)
• Midnight cruise on a Lake
• Have another baby (no, we’re not pregnant)

I'm excited that God has blessed me to see 29. Looking forward to seeing what this year has to offer!

Ready...Set...Go

Happy birthday to me!! :)

~Mrs. G

For Cheryl

During my freshmen year at Purdue, my Upward Bound family & I received news that the director of the program, Cheryl Berry, had died by her own hands in her office at Purdue Calumet. My roommate and I got all of our UB fam together to process what happened. The following weekend, we all traveled back home for her funeral. I remember (like it was yesterday) walking into the church and getting sad and angry-- so when I walked to the casket-- I told her that.. "I'm so mad at you.. I'm so mad at you, Cheryl." Jamie had to pull me away and we sat together like children, who were burying their mother. And in some ways, she was like our mother. She brought us into the program, told us what to do, spoke college into us, yelled at us and got on our nerves! But, Cheryl was also funny and honest. So when she committed suicide, it was so strange and foreign. No one remotely close to me had died by their own hands and it was not a good feeling. I felt some peace as I spoke at her funeral but I was still unsure of how to process all of this.

I spent days wondering what happened or what we (her students) did that could make her do something so-- permanent. And after talking it through with a trusted source, I began to realize that suicide is something that is not easily explained.

Over the last 10 years, I've known of people who've taken this drastic step because of something that is causing them so much pain, they feel like life is too much. And in that, I've always wondered what I could have done in my last conversation (if I've known them) to encourage them to remember that tomorrow is a new day and that life is worth living. Or what to say to the family member or friend, who feels the blame. Especially when they are unsure if they'll ever see them again. But who are we to answer any of these questions? Only God knows where a person will go after their time on earth has ended.

I write today because a good friend has had to experience this in her work setting just last week-- and she's had to deal with questions that only God can answer. Her sorrow, became our sorrow and I felt like I needed to say something. 

I just didn't know what.

But, one thing I do know-- is to be careful what we say. Life and death (literally) are in the power of the tongue. Build someone up before you bully them. Parents-- love on your children and encourage them to love on their peers. Remind them that regardless of what shoes they or someone else has on or even their lifestyle choice, their life is precious and worth living.

Call someone you haven't spoken too in a while and speak life in them. 

You just may be saving their life.

For Cheryl,
~Mrs. G