When I first started this blog in 2009, this was my platform to say whatever I wanted to say-- no matter what it cost. Over the past 4 years, I've learned, even blogs don't work like that. There are plenty of things I want to write about or say but there is the fear that I may offend someone. I titled the blog 'I Am Who I Am' because I thought I was someone who was ok saying what I wanted and thought 'I know who I am' (Imagine me rolling my neck as I say that).
But since the day my Granny died, I've really been questioning who I am because literally, nothing has been the same. I feel like I question everything these days. Am I a good wife? What did I do to be diagnosed with Myasthenia? Why did the disease attack my face? Am I a good mother? Do I pray hard enough? Have I spoken a good word into people? I've struggled with my faith, understanding God-- figuring out, Who Am I?
I spent three years in a Masters program, interning and loving on high school students and then realized-- I do not want to sit behind a computer and administer tests. I think I've figured out what I want to do as a career but do I really want to go back to school? Who Am I?
I work with a great group of people but is this my calling? Who Am I? Am I just Jeremy's wife and Jocelyn & Jaelle's mother? Who Am I?
Turning 30 was and is such a big deal to me-- because I feel like I should know who I am. And as someone who walks around each day, fighting to say a sentence without a Myasthenia flare-up I am struggling with understanding who am I?
I know longer want to just say (or type) anything-- I want to know who I am.
Searching,
~Mrs. G
