My name is Ashley.. and I have a problem. Yes.. the counselor has problems too.
My grandmother is and always has been a strong part of my life. She raised me, prayed for me, loved me and as I got older, listened to me. Over the last two years however, she has transitioned (physically and mentally) and become a different granny. The house she once lived in was bought and sold with no warning, forcing her to move into a senior citizens home in the worst part of our city. From there, she stopped working, eating and became just mean! And.. its my granny, so for me to admit this means something is different and its scary yet realistic. I would call her and she would be so rude, I would hang up the phone and just cry. I repeatedly asked God, 'what's wrong.. why is she acting like this?!' I chalked it up to her being in a depressing environment.. she never wanted to go anywhere. She stopped being active and it really bothered our family.
Then last November, my grandmother just decided she was going to leave and move to St. Louis with her daughter. I (being so smart ;), knew this was a bad (and I mean BAD) idea and eventually, this arrangement did not work (but, the outcome came with much, MUCH drama!). In April of this year, granny moved to Florida, which was assumed by my mother, uncle and I, to be the best option. Now.. here we are, one year later and my granny is back in East Chicago (again, with much drama!).
When Jocelyn was born, my grandmother came to visit. We had an incident that caused an emotional mess..She could not remember birthing my mother.. my mother was her sister (to granny). My good friend was here when this incident happened and it only got worse from there. I began researching Alzheimer's and Dementia. She was forgetting very important things and became even more mean.. like, she had a chip on her shoulder! All the time!
This situation became so emotionally draining, I had to step aside and ask: Lord.. how can this happen to my grandmother? Why is she so mean? What if she doesn't have Alzheimer's/Dementia? What now? How do we mend the broken relationships that have been caused by the decisions of my granny/family? Why are my mother and I the only ones who would entertain the idea Alzheimer's/Dementia? How does this affect my husband and my daughter?
Its hard..my granny is my homie and she's changing.. It's easier to accept when people are younger and they change, but when someone you have known for 20+ years, drastically changes.. its hard.. and sad. I love my granny.. but I'm unsure of how to feel, how to proceed. Now what?
Bearing it all,
Mrs. G
