My Granny, My Blessing

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy New You and all that good stuff! I can NOT believe it has been almost two months since my last post. There has been so much going on, I'd have to blog all day to tell you what was going on..but, like the older saints used to say at my home church, 'Charge it to my head and not my heart!'

Now, if you go back through my blog, you'll read that my granny has Alzheimer's Disease. Over the past two years, the progression of this disease has been extremely rapid. When we first started noticing little odds and ends, my mother, aunt, uncle and myself, thought nothing of it..until she came to help take care of Jocelyn and didn't know that she had three children (she couldn't remember giving birth to my mom). After that, things got extremely difficult and it seemed almost instantly, she went from stage 1 to stage 3-4. (In case you're not familiar with Alzheimer's Disease, follow this link for more information http://www.alz.org/)

As the disease got worse.. so did my granny's actions, vocabulary and of course, memory. She lost a generation of her family. My mother and I are her sisters and she doesn't remember that some of her siblings have passed away (my granny is the oldest of 12!) Her prognosis bothered me slightly until she know longer knew who I was. I was hurt and sad that the person I admired and loved, did not know that I was Ashley, her granddaughter--whom she raised. I tried to let it go and to not think about it.. I kept telling myself that it was the disease.. and I know it is. But, being forgotten, is.. well.. hurtful. I eventually cried and cried and cried.. and I prayed and prayed and prayed.. that my granny would always be, my granny. That I would not let this disease allow me to forget who she was and is to me.. that I would cherish her just the same as I did when she knew me.. the wisdom and kind heart she showed toward others, stays with me.. regardless of her mind.

Last weekend, I was able to go home and while it was soo good to be with my mother, in laws and sisters from other mothers, it was still hard to see my granny. She didn't know totally who I was and I could see in her eyes, she barely knows who anyone is.. it was disheartening. However, at the end of my trip, the somewhat hardest moment came when we put my granny into the Alzheimer's unit of a nursing home. It has been a difficult week because of so many transitions (me returning to Durham sick, Jocelyn sick, work, Jeremy's school work, the Indiana snowstorm) but my mom goes and visits when she can and reassures me that my granny is all good.. having fun and that this will help her, as the Alzheimer's progresses. I wasn't convinced until I talked to her myself and she sounded so peaceful.. that put me at ease. My mom then told me Granny even has a little circle of friends and they get their hair done! Lol.. I can see my granny getting pampered and loving it.. :)

Just wanted to keep you up-to-date on my granny. The aging process is difficult so please continue to pray for my granny and our family.. Thanks for taking this journey with me too.. this has truly helped me, help my family. :)

Joyful for my Granny,

~Mrs. G

(I lovingly borrowed the saying, my granny, my blessing from my best friends, Tennia. Thanks, T! :)

Tis the Season Update

Update: God is in the blessing business!! At the beginning of the week, I was feeling down by having given the last of what we had.. and, low and behold, a blessed couple, blessed us with a gift card for food and gas!! Look at God! Now, I'm not telling you to tithe so that you can get something in return, I'm telling you to tithe because God honors your faith and devotion to Him.. Jesus is the reason to give!

Miracle on Mayfield,

~Mrs. G

Today on facebook (my favorite past time—hey, don’t judge me!), I put on my status that I needed a miracle. I said that because Jeremy and I are down to our last (and I mean our complete last) and with the little money we do have, I paid tithes. And mentally, I kept trying to come up with a reason to wait to give..I would forget and think about it and get convicted and try to ration with God.. I feel like I work so hard for the little money I do make that I need to keep something!

And then, I thought about the season we’re in.. and I think the real reason I want more money (because in all actuality—its more than enough) is so I can get things I want.. a pretty Christmas tree, lights for Jocelyn to break (smh), really nice gifts for our family members and just to say we have (and maybe so I can get some shoes out of the deal—but hey! Don’t judge me!)

But I get convicted because I would get upset with people who talk more about presents than the real reason for the Christmas season.. CHRIST! Growing up, I would hear my friends talk about what they would get their parents or as adults, what they would get their kids and I never understood, why getting broke for some gifts were so important! And here I am, complaining about not having enough for the same things I got frustrated about.

And then it dawned on me!

My miracle has already happened! The real and ultimate reason for CHRISTmas! Jesus! Emmanuel!

Yes, Christmas is pretty with lights and bows and money is funny and comes and goes but joy, love and more of Christ is the real reason for this season. The ultimate blessing in this is that Jeremy and I can teach Jocelyn about the real meaning of Christmas without the presents but with the presence of Jesus (ponder that).

Now, here I am at the end of the blog, no longer worried about the money we don’t have but the joy we do have for what we have. We still wake up in a warm home, with food and diapers, cable and toys. How can I be so ungrateful!? Forgive me Lord! And thank You for being the ultimate miracle!

As the 25th approaches, please remember the real reason for Christmas. It’s difficult to purchase presents and to give, if we don’t know why we’re giving.


Learning presents vs. presence,
~Mrs. G