Overwhelmed

4 weeks from today, Jeremy, Jocelyn and I will welcome Baby Jaelle (Jah-L) into our home.

And I am completely overwhelmed! Not only because there are tons of things that need to be done-- that's called nesting-- but because I am the only child. My mother and Granny raised just me, with no sibling, no one to share my toys with. And here I am-- having to teach, not one, but two girls, how to be ladies, how to be wives, and sisters! Something I have no real concept of. I have to teach my girls how to share what for three years, have been Jocey's toys. I have to do twists (I still can't braid) on two heads-- I have to raise two little fashionistas-- I have to raise two Virtuous Women. And that. Is overwhelming!

I've sought prayer, advice and support from my friends with multiple children and they all say the same thing: 'You'll be fine. You're aware of it, so you're able to be more conscious of what not to do.'

Thanks, friends. But in reality, that's not always comforting. 

I am still overwhelmed. Lol!

And I know people who do it all the time. They raise children, work full-time, love their husbands.. they make it work. But at what cost? A wise co-worker told me, just last week.. at some point, you can't be the best at everything, everyday. One day, something at work will have to give (in this job... that ain't happenin') or the laundry will have to wait and that bathroom will have to wait one extra day to be cleaned. My mother scoffed when I told her that about the waiting to clean bathrooms. It all sounds good right? But in this society (and I'm learning this at my job), perfection and excellence is something that I'm supposed to strive for.

There are no shortcuts, no mistakes... no normalcy-- 

and that's overwhelming.

Having two children overwhelms me-- honoring and loving my husband and taking care of our home while working full-time, overwhelms me.

Pray for me friends-- that I'm able to still be Ashley, Jeremy's wife/co-laborer in Ministry, Jocelyn and Jaelle's mother, Hope's daughter, friend, detailed co-worker.. and that I can be happy and not anxious. (I hate this word!!)

Because at the moment-- I'm overwhelmed.

Seeing solace,
~Mrs. G