Who Am I?

When I first started this blog in 2009, this was my platform to say whatever I wanted to say-- no matter what it cost. Over the past 4 years, I've learned, even blogs don't work like that. There are plenty of things I want to write about or say but there is the fear that I may offend someone. I titled the blog 'I Am Who I Am' because I thought I was someone who was ok saying what I wanted and thought 'I know who I am' (Imagine me rolling my neck as I say that).

But since the day my Granny died, I've really been questioning who I am because literally, nothing has been the same. I feel like I question everything these days. Am I a good wife? What did I do to be diagnosed with Myasthenia? Why did the disease attack my face? Am I a good mother? Do I pray hard enough? Have I spoken a good word into people? I've struggled with my faith, understanding God-- figuring out, Who Am I?

I spent three years in a Masters program, interning and loving on high school students and then realized-- I do not want to sit behind a computer and administer tests. I think I've figured out what I want to do as a career but do I really want to go back to school? Who Am I?

I work with a great group of people but is this my calling? Who Am I? Am I just Jeremy's wife and Jocelyn & Jaelle's mother? Who Am I?

Turning 30 was and is such a big deal to me-- because I feel like I should know who I am. And as someone who walks around each day, fighting to say a sentence without a Myasthenia flare-up I am struggling with understanding who am I?

I know longer want to just say (or type) anything-- I want to know who I am.

Searching,
~Mrs. G

Mya.. what??

When I had Jocey, I couldn't lift my hands over my head. I couldn't get plates from the cabinet or even wash my hair in the shower. When I would give Jocey to Jeremy, I had to cradle her.. anything over 5 lbs was too heavy for me.

When we got pregnant with Jaelle, I continued to work out so that I could lift my arms thinking they would be strong so I could lift Jaelle up and reach the top shelves of our cabinets.

Yeah-- that didn't matter. 

Right after my mom arrived in Durham, I began speaking as if I was congested, so we thought I had a sinus infection. But then-- my speech became slurred and I was having trouble swallowing food and drink. We saw a Physician Assistant, who prescribed an Antibiotic..that didn't work. We continued seeing Dr after Dr until my Soror, who is a Nurse Practitioner, examined me and told me that something neurological was wrong. We saw a neurologist and referred us to a team of Neuro-Musclar doctors who got it right. They diagnosed me with Myasthenia Gravis (MG)--  a chronic autoimmune neuromuscular disorder that is characterized by fluctuating weakness of the voluntary muscle groups. A lot of medical jargon, right?

My nerves and muscles stop talking. They don't communicate.
My nerves and muscles sometimes are too tired to function.

My doctors have treated me temporally with PlasmaPheresis- a treatment where blood and cells are separated and replaced to boost my immune system. These treatments are 2.5 hours and can be draining. But, like I said, this is temporary. My doctors, Dr. Massey (love her!!) and Dr. Guidon suggested two courses of long-term care (steroids or a thymectomy). After speaking with a Thoracic Surgeon, Jeremy and I decided we will have the thymectomy which removes the thymus gland from my body. I could go on and explain all of this but the post would get too long-- so visit http://www.myasthenia.org/ to learn about the disease, the foundation, etc. The procedure will be done Tuesday, March 12 at Duke. Jeremy will update via text and fb.. in the meantime, pray for the doctors and their skilled hands, my stay at the hospital, Jeremy and our girls, who have been so amazing and patient during this process and for my mother-- who is feeling the burden of being away from her only child during this time.

Thank you for praying for me and our family during this season. While I feel pretty good most days, other days and conversations can be a little difficult. Keep us lifted folks-- we know God is a healer and can make me whole completely!

Stronger,
~Mrs, G

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today-- the Lord has blessed me to be on this earth for 30 great years! Like the song says, I've had some good days, I've had some bad days-- I won't complain!! :)

Last year, I wanted to create a list of things to do before this new decade. Well, I've updated the list below:

• Read 1 book a month (Nope-- I failed, lol)
• Go Para-sailing or zip lining (Baby got in the way of this :)
• Buy a pair of shoes each season (too much?) (Yes!! After Jaelle was born I embarked on two pairs of flats, a pair of boots and a pair of hawt pumps)
• Lose another 10-15 pounds (Yes-- I've met and exceeded my weight loss goal-- I'm so happy!!)
• Go to a concert or comedy show (I've never been to one where I've stayed the entire time) (Yep, Kevin and Esperanza in the same week!)
• Get a massage once a month for 6 months (Done)
• Do an art or pottery class (Nope :(
• Fruit picking (strawberries for Jocelyn) (Nope :(
• Midnight cruise on a Lake (The 3 hour cruise for our anniversary)
• Have another baby (Miss Jaelle Ayanna was born in December)

So, I've completed 60% of my bucket list-- I'm excited! On to bigger and better in this new decade!

Happy birthday to me!!

~Mrs. G

I Wish...

Death sucks. Yes. It. Does.

Within two months, Jeremy and I have lost my beloved Granny, my high school best friend Ashley and Jeremy's uncle, Mr. Nobody (the best nickname ever). As you grow older, you always here 'life is so short,' 'forgive and move on,' 'call such and such when you think about it-- you never know when the last time will be.'

Here I am on the other side of these phrases. 

I wish I would have called my Granny on that Saturday-- but I went to a sorority meeting and never got around to it. I got caught up with my own stuff... I never got to tell her I loved her one more time. Now, I try to remember our last conversation or replay her voice in my head.. My Granny meant/means so much to me-- calling my mother's house and not asking about her, still feels unreal. I have to catch myself from even mentioning her sometime, for a fear, that I'll make myself sad. My Granny.....

Ironically, on December 2, when I posted on fb that we needed prayer, Ashley commented on my post, asking if I was ok. I never responded or thanked her because I was grieving and preparing for Jaelle. I found  out on Christmas from my brother, Curtis, that she passed. I immediately found a mutual friend and the news was confirmed. Ashley Jordon, 29, had died. Ashley and I threw our Sweet 16 birthday party together (we're 4 days apart) and spent all of our high school years together. We fought, argued, had slumber parties, wore each clothes (what I could fit), she braided my hair, went on college tours and graduated. Our last conversation was the 'no matter where you are, you'll always be my sister' speech. I wish I could tell her I love her and that she would know-- I truly care for her.

Mr. Nobody (aka Donnell Williams) was Jeremy's uncle. He was a Vet, worked hard for his family and served the Lord. Every since I've known him, he's been in a wheelchair from health complications. Most recently, his aching and failing body became tired and he actually passed on his birthday--January 18. He's famous for his nickname, Mr. Nobody because it's pretty cool but one important tidbit? He always gave Jeremy $2 bills!! I forgot they existed until I met Mr. Nobody. I wish when we saw him in August, that I would have told him that I appreciate the $2 bills because they're rare, special unique--- just like him.

Death sucks. But, what sucks more is wishing you could say something to someone who is still living. Say something-- call them-- hear their voice. Because once they take the last breath-- you wish you could remember how they said your name or laughed or prayed. Don't wait until tomorrow-- it really may be too late.

Still Wishing,
~Mrs. G

Overwhelmed

4 weeks from today, Jeremy, Jocelyn and I will welcome Baby Jaelle (Jah-L) into our home.

And I am completely overwhelmed! Not only because there are tons of things that need to be done-- that's called nesting-- but because I am the only child. My mother and Granny raised just me, with no sibling, no one to share my toys with. And here I am-- having to teach, not one, but two girls, how to be ladies, how to be wives, and sisters! Something I have no real concept of. I have to teach my girls how to share what for three years, have been Jocey's toys. I have to do twists (I still can't braid) on two heads-- I have to raise two little fashionistas-- I have to raise two Virtuous Women. And that. Is overwhelming!

I've sought prayer, advice and support from my friends with multiple children and they all say the same thing: 'You'll be fine. You're aware of it, so you're able to be more conscious of what not to do.'

Thanks, friends. But in reality, that's not always comforting. 

I am still overwhelmed. Lol!

And I know people who do it all the time. They raise children, work full-time, love their husbands.. they make it work. But at what cost? A wise co-worker told me, just last week.. at some point, you can't be the best at everything, everyday. One day, something at work will have to give (in this job... that ain't happenin') or the laundry will have to wait and that bathroom will have to wait one extra day to be cleaned. My mother scoffed when I told her that about the waiting to clean bathrooms. It all sounds good right? But in this society (and I'm learning this at my job), perfection and excellence is something that I'm supposed to strive for.

There are no shortcuts, no mistakes... no normalcy-- 

and that's overwhelming.

Having two children overwhelms me-- honoring and loving my husband and taking care of our home while working full-time, overwhelms me.

Pray for me friends-- that I'm able to still be Ashley, Jeremy's wife/co-laborer in Ministry, Jocelyn and Jaelle's mother, Hope's daughter, friend, detailed co-worker.. and that I can be happy and not anxious. (I hate this word!!)

Because at the moment-- I'm overwhelmed.

Seeing solace,
~Mrs. G

Words with Friends

Recently, I've become addicted to a phenomenon 'Words with Friends.' This game is similar to Scrabble but played on Androids or iPhone's where you invite your friends to play. My usual opponent is Jeremy (who beats me almost every time) along with some fellow Boilers, Sorors or my friends!  I am addicted to Words with Friends. It's a good thinking game and allows you to brag on who's better at word play. Usually-- not me.

But today, as I was washing dishes, I realized that the title of this game has more power than just forming words on a board to see who has the best score. Words with Friends is a lifestyle that we should live. Not a game but to love our friends and speak words of love and encouragement into and over them.

Since I've been pregnant, I've heard the sentence 'Pregnancy agrees with you-- you look so good" almost daily. At first, I would get irritated and wonder, 'How are pregnant women supposed to look?' But what became most important are the words from my friends-- to encourage me to look my best, even when I'm exhausted or hungry, sad or just plain irritated (blame it on the hormones). Words should uplift and love not hurt; encourage not discourage. Proverbs 16:24 says "Kind words are like honey sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."  Life and death are in the power of your tongue! 

Words with to friends not only enhances those you're loving on--but makes you a person of loving speech. 

Oh! And, receiving words from friends is not a bad thing either-- it encourages you to be the best you and to pass the love of encouragement on to the next friend.

Lord, forgive me for not loving my friends, with words. Teach me to have a heart of cheerfulness and to uplift  my friends, more often than I do. Thank you that you speak words of love and reassurance, daily. In Your Name, Amen!

Refreshed by my friends,
~Mrs. G

For the Right Reason...

I am a jealous person. I will admit it. I get so frustrated when I think about where Jeremy and I are as we are approaching 30 and then look at many of our friends who are 30 and so much more established. The houses, new cars, money to travel, new clothes, very low or no daycare bill-- I hate myself for feeling this way. But, yes, I wake up at least once a week, green with envy that many in our support system have so much.

But what makes me even more frustrated is that, I know better!!  I know that what God will do for one, He'll do it for others. But why does it have to be such a slow process?

Then it dawned on me, over the past few weeks. I don't give, genuinely. I give with the expectation to receive something back-- like I'm loaning my tithes to God. Wow. That concept is so convicting! No-- my tithes are my reimbursement to Him for blessing me with my job (and it's the word!). My offering is my contribution to my church to help the church be blessing the community and to my Pastor.

My motives are so wrong! How can I expect God to provide for me but I give half-heartedly?  Sometimes, my worship is half-hearted; sometimes my loving is half-hearted and yes, sometimes my faith is half-hearted. The bible gives many examples of how to live, generously and I have failed at some of these tasks.

Lord, forgive me for wanting to give to receive. Teach me to give generously and give of my time, tithes and talents..for the right reason. To please You and only You. Thank You that you are merciful and continue to show Yourself.

Examining my heart,
~Mrs. G

Romans 12:7-9  (NLT)--If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well.  If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.  Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.

Luke 6:37-39 (NLT)-Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.

 

Updated Birthday Blog :)

Well, I've done some of the things I desire before 30--- here's the revised list :)

• Go to a concert or comedy show (I've never been to one where I've stayed the entire time)-- yes! Saw Esparanza Spalding and Kevin Hart in the same week!!
• Get a massage once a month for 6 months (in the process-- I had one in Feb and need to catch up)
  
• Midnight cruise on a Lake (Not a midnight, but a 3 hour cruise :)

• Have another baby (no, we’re not pregnant) Well, we are having another baby!!! We're excited and will deliver Baby Gilmore 2 on 12/12/12 :)

Stay tuned for more updates!! :)

Mrs.G

Today, I'm 29! I am one year closer to 30-- and I'm looking forward to it!

The last year has been an emotional roller-coaster. Still adjusting to life in Durham, I've stepped out on faith and co- taught a bible study, began working on a nursery ministry, became close with some awesome women, prayed harder than ever before, cried more than I have (I know that's hard to imagine) and learned to communicate more with Jeremy. I've also lost 17 pounds and got a new job that I love!! I've watched my baby, grow into a tall toddler and joined twitter (which I love, sadly)

Over the last 2-3 years, some of my favorite people have turned 30 and they make it look amazing.. so, I figured I'd end this decade with a bang and start my 30's on the right note, too. With that said-- I have a list of things to complete-- by February 15, 2013. With support from the hubby, family and with God's provisions, I pray that I can do some things that I haven’t done in my 20's. You Ready?

• Read 1 book a month (yeah, struggling)
• Go Para-sailing or zip lining (either is fine)
• Buy a pair of shoes each season (too much?)
• Lose another 10-15 pounds
• Go to a concert or comedy show (I've never been to one where I've stayed the entire time)
• Get a massage once a month for 6 months
• Do an art or pottery class
• Fruit picking (strawberries for Jocelyn)
• Midnight cruise on a Lake 
• Have another baby (no, we’re not pregnant)

I'm excited that God has blessed me to see 29. Looking forward to seeing what this year has to offer!

Ready...Set...Go

Happy birthday to me!! :)

~Mrs. G

Jesus' Obituary

Yesterday, we celebrated Mother's Day. As Jeremy and I were talking, I expressed to him one of my the greatest fear prior to having Jocelyn was that I would have to bury my child, prematurely.  And--that got me to thinking about Mary having to bury her only Son and write His obituary. How could she grieve and celebrate his life at the same time? What would she say that would capture the tremendous life, her Son lived. And then have to clean Him up and bury Him?? I would imagine, it would look like this:

Jesus-- Son of Nazareth (Emmanuel)

Sunrise: December 25 B.C.---Sunset: April 4 A.D.

 

Jesus, Son of Nazareth (Emmanuel-- God is with us) was born on a cool night, under the stars upon humble beginnings. Born to the Virgin Mary and The Holy Spirit and reared by Joseph, Jesus was a special baby. Guests from far and wide came to celebrate His birth-- as it was a such a joyous occasion.  

As a child, He spent many days and nights reading, listening and praying. From the moment He entered the world, He was full of light and stayed away from temptations and the tricks of the enemy. 

Jesus was a great friend. He knew He wanted only best friends, so He specifically prayed for His friends-- not only based on characteristics, but because of how their actions would impact His life. Along with His 12 friends, He possessed qualities of leadership, faith and service to All. He was a man of faith, walking on water and a man of great resources-- when He fed 5,000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread or when He turned water into wine at the wedding. Jesus was not only a man of wisdom, He was a man of few but encouraging words.

Jesus loved everyone! The sinner, the liar, the thief, the betrayer, the doubter, You. He was a man who unconditionally loved everyone He knew and didn't know! 

Being a Man of great sacrifice-- Jesus listened to God often and knew His time on this earth was short. As He prepared His last meal, Jesus sought time by Himself to watch and pray. Taking time for rest was a great source of strength for Him. 

Jesus departed this life on Friday evening after suffering a short time. While His death was brutal-- His sacrifice is life-changing.

He lives behind His mother, Mary (Joseph); 12 friends; Simon (Peter), Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James A., Simon (Zealot), Judas & Judas Iscariot (who met an untimely death), Matthias. Other relatives and close friends include Elizabeth, Mary Magdalene and the thief. Ultimately, Jesus has several loved ones that He left behind.

Internment-- The Tomb

RETRACTION: BUT-- THAT'S NOT HOW THE STORY ENDED!!! HE AROSE!!

Jesus has arisen- it is a miracle! My Son, died and rose for You and I!! While I no longer physically can touch Him-- He is always around. He Lives in Me! I am so grateful! God Bless You! ~Mary

Thankful for Mary's faith,

~Mrs. G

Jeremy's Race

When Jeremy went to the library about a week ago, I started thinking about our time together and what we've endured over the course of our relationship—12 years to be exact! One thing that stands out is that Jeremy has never been a physical runner. He runs to play basketball but that's the only running he's done. But-- he's a mental runner. He thinks in marathons-- constant but with ease/skill to not get tired when answering my questions about faith or writing a theology paper on Aquinas, Abelard and Anselm. But he definitely increases his pace or sprints when he's coming up with ways to prohibit me from spending money!

Then, there's his spiritual race. Over the last year and a half-- Jeremy paced himself, as he (we) ran another marathon with this huge step of faith to come to Duke's Divinity School. During this time, he's sprinted again by learning to balance us, his school, his service to church and the juvenile center he serves and be a good friend to his classmates!

These mental races, don't really involve much. Maybe a test here and there-- or a conversation with God but most often, don't require physical skill.

But. A few weeks ago, Jeremy ran his first, physical race—an 8K. To prepare for this race, he needed to prepare his mind to run distances he’d never run before. His training (most weeks) consisted of a short distance, twice a week building up to a long distance that same week and then adding a mile each week thereafter. As the miles increased, so did his speed and his strength—and his courage! And on Saturday—Jeremy crossed the finish line!

Jeremy's finish -- excuse the side view. I can't rotate the pic from my phone :(

Like Jeremy—we must become mentally, physically and even emotionally prepared for the races we run in our lives. Neglecting to take care of ourselves, to plan and to be connected with God can leave us tired and possibly missing the finish line all together.

I am so proud of my husband! I tell him but I want you to know—I am truly proud of him. His endurance, his patience and his skill to not only run a physical and mental race, but most importantly, a spiritual race.

#ProudWife,
~Mrs.G

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Today, I'm 29! I am one year closer to 30-- and I'm looking forward to it!

The last year has been an emotional roller-coaster. Still adjusting to life in Durham, I've stepped out on faith and co- taught a bible study, began working on a nursery ministry, became close with some awesome women, prayed harder than ever before, cried more than I have (I know that's hard to imagine) and learned to communicate more with Jeremy. I've also lost 17 pounds and got a new job that I love!! I've watched my baby, grow into a tall toddler and joined twitter (which I love, sadly)

Over the last 2-3 years, some of my favorite people have turned 30 and they make it look amazing.. so, I figured I'd end this decade with a bang and start my 30's on the right note, too. With that said-- I have a list of things to complete-- by February 15, 2013. With support from the hubby, family and with God's provisions, I pray that I can do some things that I haven’t done in my 20's. You Ready?

• Read 1 book a month
• Go Para-sailing or zip lining (either is fine)
• Buy a pair of shoes each season (too much?)
• Lose another 10-15 pounds
• Go to a concert or comedy show (I've never been to one where I've stayed the entire time)
• Get a massage once a month for 6 months
• Do an art or pottery class
• Fruit picking (strawberries for Jocelyn)
• Midnight cruise on a Lake
• Have another baby (no, we’re not pregnant)

I'm excited that God has blessed me to see 29. Looking forward to seeing what this year has to offer!

Ready...Set...Go

Happy birthday to me!! :)

~Mrs. G

For Cheryl

During my freshmen year at Purdue, my Upward Bound family & I received news that the director of the program, Cheryl Berry, had died by her own hands in her office at Purdue Calumet. My roommate and I got all of our UB fam together to process what happened. The following weekend, we all traveled back home for her funeral. I remember (like it was yesterday) walking into the church and getting sad and angry-- so when I walked to the casket-- I told her that.. "I'm so mad at you.. I'm so mad at you, Cheryl." Jamie had to pull me away and we sat together like children, who were burying their mother. And in some ways, she was like our mother. She brought us into the program, told us what to do, spoke college into us, yelled at us and got on our nerves! But, Cheryl was also funny and honest. So when she committed suicide, it was so strange and foreign. No one remotely close to me had died by their own hands and it was not a good feeling. I felt some peace as I spoke at her funeral but I was still unsure of how to process all of this.

I spent days wondering what happened or what we (her students) did that could make her do something so-- permanent. And after talking it through with a trusted source, I began to realize that suicide is something that is not easily explained.

Over the last 10 years, I've known of people who've taken this drastic step because of something that is causing them so much pain, they feel like life is too much. And in that, I've always wondered what I could have done in my last conversation (if I've known them) to encourage them to remember that tomorrow is a new day and that life is worth living. Or what to say to the family member or friend, who feels the blame. Especially when they are unsure if they'll ever see them again. But who are we to answer any of these questions? Only God knows where a person will go after their time on earth has ended.

I write today because a good friend has had to experience this in her work setting just last week-- and she's had to deal with questions that only God can answer. Her sorrow, became our sorrow and I felt like I needed to say something. 

I just didn't know what.

But, one thing I do know-- is to be careful what we say. Life and death (literally) are in the power of the tongue. Build someone up before you bully them. Parents-- love on your children and encourage them to love on their peers. Remind them that regardless of what shoes they or someone else has on or even their lifestyle choice, their life is precious and worth living.

Call someone you haven't spoken too in a while and speak life in them. 

You just may be saving their life.

For Cheryl,
~Mrs. G

Ashley's Top 11 Moments of 2011

Today is the last day of 2011-- I could write an inspirational post about learning to embrace 2011 and move forward in God for 2012 & What you did in 2011 is now behind you and you have 366 days to do something new Or you might have done or said some things in 2011 that you may want to forget-- seek God's face for forgiveness and be better in 2012.

But. I won't do that.

What I will do is give you my top 11 moments (and a bonus) of 2011-- how the Gilmores' survived our first full year in Durham. Ready? Let's Go.

11. In January, we put my Granny in a nursing home. She had been living with my mother for about 1 year and the progression of the disease was getting to much for my mom-- so, I flew home and we took her to Golden Living Nursing Facility in Merrillville. This was one of the hardest things for my mother-- but she overcame it. Unfortunately, the nursing home was not caring for Granny the way they should have-- so by Christmas-- Granny was back home-- with Mom. Pray for them.

10. Declaration for a new job. You can read more about that testimony, here.

9. Facilitating my first bible study. What an awesome and humbling experience! I watched Jeremy do it for years and it became easy for him and eventually me too-- We read 'The Power of a Praying Wife.' Great experience, great group-- so much, I did it again (with a great friend) this semester!

8. Deciding to take better care of my hair. Even though I have been natural since June 2008, I felt like my hair was never growing and that it was just as unhealthy as it had been with a relaxer. So with the help of a few of my favorite natural hair bloggers/vloggers, I resolved to take much better care of my hair. To moisturize, trim my ends and to have a head of healthy hair. It became an obsession, Jeremy asked me one day 'Is that all you do?' Never mind him.. How did I do?

My end of the year blow-out..

7. Engage in more bible reading. I love YouVersion for my phone! I'm telling you, technology has its bad moments but the bible for your phone?!  Yep-- thanks for that invention! YouVersion for Android has a variety of plans that allow you become one-on-one with scripture. One of the best things about this year was reading the book of Proverbs. I feel good not only to have read it but also to understand and apply it!

6.Facebook & Twitter. (Yes, honey-- I know you cringe at this one but read my explanation). While in Durham, I have friends but it's nothing like being connected to your home--your comfort zone. I became dependent on facebook and eventually twitter to know what was going on with people, to communicate, to update on us, etc.. Yes, my name is @ashleydgilmore and I have a social media problem. #SueMe (Share)

5. Phone conversations. This year, since we've only been home once, I've been blessed to have amazing phone conversations with my sistas from other mothers-- about life, relationships, our journeys and when I've needed it the most- honest encouragement! Love my sisters-- so much! Thank you!

4. Praying with and for my mother. It is extremely-- I mean, EXTREMELY hard being the only child of a disabled parent-- who has moved several miles away. My mother has had a rough year (financially, emotionally) but one thing she has done, is remain consistent. So-- I made it a goal to pray for her spirit and to help her understand that this rough year was just a season and that God has something better for her.

3. Jocelyn is potty trained!!!! Yes! Jeremy & I have never been more humbled and disgusted in our lives! Our little princess is now wearing big-girl undies and is extremely happy about it! We are grateful to her daycare for really facilitating this and making it easier on us.

2. Hearing Jeremy preach again. In May, we went home and Pastor Rose & the Second Baptist Church family opened up the platform for my seminarian-- and he preached with so much confidence and knowledge! He even used his Hebrew skills!! I was proud and honored to be his wife.

1. Favor!! With our finances! Lord knows this year we have had a financial drought! But-- over and over again, our bills have been paid, our daycare director being gracious, money is found/sent, the new job with a pay increase, no disconnections and most importantly-- we still tithed through all of this! I totally believe God honored our tithing in spite of being down to our last-- we are coming out the end of the year with all of our needs met and even some wants! Ex 33:17 (NLT) The Lord replied to Moses, “I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name.

BONUS: This year-- I lost 16 pounds and 15.5 inches! Very grateful for discipline and a new attitude!

My slogan for 2012, "...What is impossible for people, is possible with God." Luke 18:27.

Happy New Year Folks,
~Mrs. G

The First Lady

I have finally come to the realization that I will add one more title to Ashley: Wife, Mother, Daughter, Granddaughter, Sister, Te-Te, Friend, Blogger and... Pastor's Wife/First Lady.

I have been dreading this title since May 23, 2004 when Jeremy preached his first sermon. From then on, every time he preached, I felt like I needed to look/act a certain way. I hated that stigma that the preacher's wife has to be (insert your adjective here). And when God spoke to me about supporting my husband, I listened but I prayed more about him working in prison and mission ministry-- meaning, I wouldn't have to deal with the expectations of 'church folk.'

Then.. it happened, God told Jeremy he was going to seminary at Duke and that he would eventually pastor. Much to my dismay, I heard the same thing and followed God and my husband. Thus, here are we, preparing for ministry-- in the church--as the Pastor and 'First Lady'.

Yep-- I don't like that title. At all. Why? Well-- I'm glad you asked.

When you become the first lady of something, people (church folk) expect you to do what they want you to do. (Ask Michelle Obama). They want you to look how they want you to look or what role they want you to play in church. Some of them have ideas on how they think you should raise your children-- see, I can't!

Now-- these were somethings I experienced as a child. As an adult, I have become more confident in who I am as Jeremy's wife, Jocelyn's mother, etc. But there's still this cloud that hangs over me when mentally preparing for this role. How will people see me, when I don't feel obligated to attend Wednesday bible study? Who will approach me if my daughter gets out of hand? What happens if I decide to not wear stockings with my skirt? What if I want to wear a big blow-out? (that's a blog for another day) Or...

How will I feel at the end of the day, when Jeremy is up preparing a eulogy for a parent who's lost a child? What will I say to Jocelyn when her father is traveling out of the country for ministry for a few weeks? What happens if I'm upset with Jeremy and have to put on a smile for the church?

These questions make me cringe. But today, I'm reminded, "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done," Phil 4:6. My role first and foremost is to be the woman of our home. Regardless of what parishioners think about me, my children-- and even my husband, my role is to support, love and encourage them. I'm not married to the church-- I'm married to Jeremy Gilmore and my first ministry is to serve God and to be what Jeremy needs me to be.

So, 'church folk'-- be a friend or a prayer warrior for your pastor's wife. She may be the first lady of the church, but she's his first lady everyday. And that is a ministry--all by itself.

JAG's first lady,
~Mrs. G

A Modern Day Proverbs 31 Woman

I have been blessed to serve as the Co-Coordinator for the Duke Divinity Spouse Group Bible Study. This semester, the Lord directed us to study Women of the Bible in the Old Testament and last night was our final bible study until January. My Co-Coordinator (S/O to Jessica :) suggested we write a remix to the Virtuous Women Proverb. With Debs, Megan and Karen, we worked at making sure our piece was familiar yet contemporary. The other two teams were amazing as well but I decided to share ours. Enjoy! And-- we hope you take something from it!

Who can find a good woman?
She is more precious than rubies.
Her husband trusts her;
because of her, he'll find success.
Together, they are content and joyous.
She's a worker, a good provider
She's not afraid to get her hands dirty.
She gives the best of everything.
She's the best at what she does and
she makes everyone look good.
She's selfless and reaches out to those in need.
Because of her hard work & elegant handy work,
her husband is respected in the community.
Because of her work in the home, her husband prospers.
Strength and dignity are her clothes
and she laughs at the time to come.
She's like.. "Bring It On!"
When she speaks, wisdom
When she she teaches, kindness.
Confident & gentle.
She's not lazy, she watches her household.
She's blessed among women, by her husband and children.
Charm & beauty won't get you anywhere.
Beware of Botox, it requires constant attention.
Inner beauty lasts forever.
The woman who respects the Lord, shall be praised
The results of all her efforts are her best eulogy.

Virtuous,
~Mrs. G

For Granted

My good friend Neva, reminded me this week about being thankful for small things. I have complained so much about the big things I have not been able to do this year that I have taken for granted the smaller things I have been blessed to do!

Let me just take a moment and list a few:
--Go to the beach, almost monthly
--Got a snazzy Android phone
--Co-coordinate and facilitate a Women's bible study
--Skype!
--Lost some weight
--Won some earrings, hair oil and a shirt
--Meet CurlyNikki
--We found not 1 but 2 churches!!
--Prayed for a new job and it was granted
--Favor at Jocelyn's daycare
--Grace with Jeremy's job(s)

And so many more!!

With Thanksgiving one week from today (yes, I know--where did the time go!!?), let's not only be grateful for food, shelter and heat; a car to get to work.. but for small things. Being late for work, to avoid an accident; the rain and wind, to feel God’s presence.

Stop taking small things for granted! Why you ask? Read here.

Grateful for the lil' things,
~Mrs. G