For Cheryl

During my freshmen year at Purdue, my Upward Bound family & I received news that the director of the program, Cheryl Berry, had died by her own hands in her office at Purdue Calumet. My roommate and I got all of our UB fam together to process what happened. The following weekend, we all traveled back home for her funeral. I remember (like it was yesterday) walking into the church and getting sad and angry-- so when I walked to the casket-- I told her that.. "I'm so mad at you.. I'm so mad at you, Cheryl." Jamie had to pull me away and we sat together like children, who were burying their mother. And in some ways, she was like our mother. She brought us into the program, told us what to do, spoke college into us, yelled at us and got on our nerves! But, Cheryl was also funny and honest. So when she committed suicide, it was so strange and foreign. No one remotely close to me had died by their own hands and it was not a good feeling. I felt some peace as I spoke at her funeral but I was still unsure of how to process all of this.

I spent days wondering what happened or what we (her students) did that could make her do something so-- permanent. And after talking it through with a trusted source, I began to realize that suicide is something that is not easily explained.

Over the last 10 years, I've known of people who've taken this drastic step because of something that is causing them so much pain, they feel like life is too much. And in that, I've always wondered what I could have done in my last conversation (if I've known them) to encourage them to remember that tomorrow is a new day and that life is worth living. Or what to say to the family member or friend, who feels the blame. Especially when they are unsure if they'll ever see them again. But who are we to answer any of these questions? Only God knows where a person will go after their time on earth has ended.

I write today because a good friend has had to experience this in her work setting just last week-- and she's had to deal with questions that only God can answer. Her sorrow, became our sorrow and I felt like I needed to say something. 

I just didn't know what.

But, one thing I do know-- is to be careful what we say. Life and death (literally) are in the power of the tongue. Build someone up before you bully them. Parents-- love on your children and encourage them to love on their peers. Remind them that regardless of what shoes they or someone else has on or even their lifestyle choice, their life is precious and worth living.

Call someone you haven't spoken too in a while and speak life in them. 

You just may be saving their life.

For Cheryl,
~Mrs. G

Ashley's Top 11 Moments of 2011

Today is the last day of 2011-- I could write an inspirational post about learning to embrace 2011 and move forward in God for 2012 & What you did in 2011 is now behind you and you have 366 days to do something new Or you might have done or said some things in 2011 that you may want to forget-- seek God's face for forgiveness and be better in 2012.

But. I won't do that.

What I will do is give you my top 11 moments (and a bonus) of 2011-- how the Gilmores' survived our first full year in Durham. Ready? Let's Go.

11. In January, we put my Granny in a nursing home. She had been living with my mother for about 1 year and the progression of the disease was getting to much for my mom-- so, I flew home and we took her to Golden Living Nursing Facility in Merrillville. This was one of the hardest things for my mother-- but she overcame it. Unfortunately, the nursing home was not caring for Granny the way they should have-- so by Christmas-- Granny was back home-- with Mom. Pray for them.

10. Declaration for a new job. You can read more about that testimony, here.

9. Facilitating my first bible study. What an awesome and humbling experience! I watched Jeremy do it for years and it became easy for him and eventually me too-- We read 'The Power of a Praying Wife.' Great experience, great group-- so much, I did it again (with a great friend) this semester!

8. Deciding to take better care of my hair. Even though I have been natural since June 2008, I felt like my hair was never growing and that it was just as unhealthy as it had been with a relaxer. So with the help of a few of my favorite natural hair bloggers/vloggers, I resolved to take much better care of my hair. To moisturize, trim my ends and to have a head of healthy hair. It became an obsession, Jeremy asked me one day 'Is that all you do?' Never mind him.. How did I do?

My end of the year blow-out..

7. Engage in more bible reading. I love YouVersion for my phone! I'm telling you, technology has its bad moments but the bible for your phone?!  Yep-- thanks for that invention! YouVersion for Android has a variety of plans that allow you become one-on-one with scripture. One of the best things about this year was reading the book of Proverbs. I feel good not only to have read it but also to understand and apply it!

6.Facebook & Twitter. (Yes, honey-- I know you cringe at this one but read my explanation). While in Durham, I have friends but it's nothing like being connected to your home--your comfort zone. I became dependent on facebook and eventually twitter to know what was going on with people, to communicate, to update on us, etc.. Yes, my name is @ashleydgilmore and I have a social media problem. #SueMe (Share)

5. Phone conversations. This year, since we've only been home once, I've been blessed to have amazing phone conversations with my sistas from other mothers-- about life, relationships, our journeys and when I've needed it the most- honest encouragement! Love my sisters-- so much! Thank you!

4. Praying with and for my mother. It is extremely-- I mean, EXTREMELY hard being the only child of a disabled parent-- who has moved several miles away. My mother has had a rough year (financially, emotionally) but one thing she has done, is remain consistent. So-- I made it a goal to pray for her spirit and to help her understand that this rough year was just a season and that God has something better for her.

3. Jocelyn is potty trained!!!! Yes! Jeremy & I have never been more humbled and disgusted in our lives! Our little princess is now wearing big-girl undies and is extremely happy about it! We are grateful to her daycare for really facilitating this and making it easier on us.

2. Hearing Jeremy preach again. In May, we went home and Pastor Rose & the Second Baptist Church family opened up the platform for my seminarian-- and he preached with so much confidence and knowledge! He even used his Hebrew skills!! I was proud and honored to be his wife.

1. Favor!! With our finances! Lord knows this year we have had a financial drought! But-- over and over again, our bills have been paid, our daycare director being gracious, money is found/sent, the new job with a pay increase, no disconnections and most importantly-- we still tithed through all of this! I totally believe God honored our tithing in spite of being down to our last-- we are coming out the end of the year with all of our needs met and even some wants! Ex 33:17 (NLT) The Lord replied to Moses, “I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name.

BONUS: This year-- I lost 16 pounds and 15.5 inches! Very grateful for discipline and a new attitude!

My slogan for 2012, "...What is impossible for people, is possible with God." Luke 18:27.

Happy New Year Folks,
~Mrs. G

The First Lady

I have finally come to the realization that I will add one more title to Ashley: Wife, Mother, Daughter, Granddaughter, Sister, Te-Te, Friend, Blogger and... Pastor's Wife/First Lady.

I have been dreading this title since May 23, 2004 when Jeremy preached his first sermon. From then on, every time he preached, I felt like I needed to look/act a certain way. I hated that stigma that the preacher's wife has to be (insert your adjective here). And when God spoke to me about supporting my husband, I listened but I prayed more about him working in prison and mission ministry-- meaning, I wouldn't have to deal with the expectations of 'church folk.'

Then.. it happened, God told Jeremy he was going to seminary at Duke and that he would eventually pastor. Much to my dismay, I heard the same thing and followed God and my husband. Thus, here are we, preparing for ministry-- in the church--as the Pastor and 'First Lady'.

Yep-- I don't like that title. At all. Why? Well-- I'm glad you asked.

When you become the first lady of something, people (church folk) expect you to do what they want you to do. (Ask Michelle Obama). They want you to look how they want you to look or what role they want you to play in church. Some of them have ideas on how they think you should raise your children-- see, I can't!

Now-- these were somethings I experienced as a child. As an adult, I have become more confident in who I am as Jeremy's wife, Jocelyn's mother, etc. But there's still this cloud that hangs over me when mentally preparing for this role. How will people see me, when I don't feel obligated to attend Wednesday bible study? Who will approach me if my daughter gets out of hand? What happens if I decide to not wear stockings with my skirt? What if I want to wear a big blow-out? (that's a blog for another day) Or...

How will I feel at the end of the day, when Jeremy is up preparing a eulogy for a parent who's lost a child? What will I say to Jocelyn when her father is traveling out of the country for ministry for a few weeks? What happens if I'm upset with Jeremy and have to put on a smile for the church?

These questions make me cringe. But today, I'm reminded, "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done," Phil 4:6. My role first and foremost is to be the woman of our home. Regardless of what parishioners think about me, my children-- and even my husband, my role is to support, love and encourage them. I'm not married to the church-- I'm married to Jeremy Gilmore and my first ministry is to serve God and to be what Jeremy needs me to be.

So, 'church folk'-- be a friend or a prayer warrior for your pastor's wife. She may be the first lady of the church, but she's his first lady everyday. And that is a ministry--all by itself.

JAG's first lady,
~Mrs. G

A Modern Day Proverbs 31 Woman

I have been blessed to serve as the Co-Coordinator for the Duke Divinity Spouse Group Bible Study. This semester, the Lord directed us to study Women of the Bible in the Old Testament and last night was our final bible study until January. My Co-Coordinator (S/O to Jessica :) suggested we write a remix to the Virtuous Women Proverb. With Debs, Megan and Karen, we worked at making sure our piece was familiar yet contemporary. The other two teams were amazing as well but I decided to share ours. Enjoy! And-- we hope you take something from it!

Who can find a good woman?
She is more precious than rubies.
Her husband trusts her;
because of her, he'll find success.
Together, they are content and joyous.
She's a worker, a good provider
She's not afraid to get her hands dirty.
She gives the best of everything.
She's the best at what she does and
she makes everyone look good.
She's selfless and reaches out to those in need.
Because of her hard work & elegant handy work,
her husband is respected in the community.
Because of her work in the home, her husband prospers.
Strength and dignity are her clothes
and she laughs at the time to come.
She's like.. "Bring It On!"
When she speaks, wisdom
When she she teaches, kindness.
Confident & gentle.
She's not lazy, she watches her household.
She's blessed among women, by her husband and children.
Charm & beauty won't get you anywhere.
Beware of Botox, it requires constant attention.
Inner beauty lasts forever.
The woman who respects the Lord, shall be praised
The results of all her efforts are her best eulogy.

Virtuous,
~Mrs. G

For Granted

My good friend Neva, reminded me this week about being thankful for small things. I have complained so much about the big things I have not been able to do this year that I have taken for granted the smaller things I have been blessed to do!

Let me just take a moment and list a few:
--Go to the beach, almost monthly
--Got a snazzy Android phone
--Co-coordinate and facilitate a Women's bible study
--Skype!
--Lost some weight
--Won some earrings, hair oil and a shirt
--Meet CurlyNikki
--We found not 1 but 2 churches!!
--Prayed for a new job and it was granted
--Favor at Jocelyn's daycare
--Grace with Jeremy's job(s)

And so many more!!

With Thanksgiving one week from today (yes, I know--where did the time go!!?), let's not only be grateful for food, shelter and heat; a car to get to work.. but for small things. Being late for work, to avoid an accident; the rain and wind, to feel God’s presence.

Stop taking small things for granted! Why you ask? Read here.

Grateful for the lil' things,
~Mrs. G

Consistently, Inconsistent

Over the past year, I've really beaten myself up because I'll start something and not finish it. For instance, I planned on posting this blog earlier this year and decided to blog about something else. What I've also noticed is that when I am inconsistent, I tend to miss out on something that could have been for me. *sighs loudly*

I am consistently, inconsistent.. often.

Especially with creative ideas, books I want to read or even calling someone. I allow other things to take me from what I intended to do. But it's weird-- I'm extremely consistent when it comes to facebook or tweeting.. or even watching shows that harm brain cells! You know--things that probably won't impact my quality of life? You get the picture.

Today, I made a vow to myself to be consistent with something, daily. If I start the laundry-- I probably should dry, fold and put them away, in one day.

How can I plan to plant a seed of consistency in our little ones, when I don't water my own consistent seeds?

Just wanted to encourage you to be consistent. Start something and finish it. If you have a letter that you need to write, put down the phone and write the letter. If you have a goal to start a blog-- come up with ideas and implement them. It may be a lazy spirit or a tired one, but find ways to regain energy and finish what you've started. You never know what value your consistency has on the next person.

Folding Clothes,
~Mrs. G

"In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It's not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently." Anthony Robbins

On Being Different

I compare my life to women I know, daily.

Why can't my mother help me like her's can? Why can't I go like my sorors can? Why can't we have a house like so many of our friends? And what I keep hearing about these comparisons? #Ecclesiastes 11:5

I keep trying to fit in and to feel included...

I keep trying to be a part of the in-crowd...

I keep trying to do what they do... wear what she wears, look how she looks, go where she goes.

And then, I look in the mirror and it’s plain as day.

I'm Different.

Not because I'm the only child. Not because my mother is blind. Not because my husband is a minister.

But because God has His hand on me.

To be included... In His family.

To be apart... Of His 'in' crowd.

To do...what He wants me to do.

I'm called.

No, not to preach. But to be different-- set apart. To love me.. all of me. To be confident in who I am. I can't be like her-- my circumstances aren't hers and my life, is my life. Today, I boldly write that my calling is to be confident in who I am. To make my life meaningful, not because of what I wear or my family circumstance but by being a supporting and loving wife, a teaching and caring mother, an honest and devoted daughter/granddaughter and a great friend--regardless of how I feel..but because God called me.

Yep, I'm different. And I like it!
~Mrs. G