Happy New You!

Well, the new year is upon us. And at the end of every year, someone or something encourages us to review the past year and set resolutions for the next year. Last Sunday at church (we went in Hammond for my niece's dedication) the pastor talked about making drastic changes regarding friends and decisions and remembering how you got where you are.

This morning, I received my devotional from Streaming Faith and the guest columnist, Milan Ford, provided some much needed advice for the transition from 2009 to 2010. In this powerful devotional, Milan stresses that the harvest (rather good or bad) that was sewn this year, is what we will reap next.. so, those "Lord, I need 2010 to be better than 2009," will only come into fruition based on the seeds sewn. This spoke to me because I want 2010 to be the year for mad growth, but what seeds have I sown that will cause 2010 to be better? Regardless of what we're asking for.. the primary goal is to be ready and to produce effective seeds.

So.. for a Happy New You (and Me) we have to find the seeds that won't produce much growth. Find out what bad apples are apart of your life that will only continue to rot and stop growing..make 2010 a year that we let go (and I mean.. for real, let go) of those people, things, addictions, attitudes, behaviors, thoughts and motives that will not and do not make us ready for a bountiful harvest.

I pray that 2010 is all that you want it to be. BUT.. that's up to you and what you've done in 2009. Below you'll find the link to today's devotional.. read it. It's good. Also, are some scripture reference to help with your harvest.

Here's to a Happy New Us!

Sowing and Reaping,
~Mrs. G

Job 4:8- Even as I have seen, they that plow iniquity, and sow wickedness, reap the same.

2Cor. 9:6- But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.

Gal 6: 7,8-Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

http://www.streamingfaith.com/community/devotional/devotional.aspx?DevotionalId=2371

Confessions of a Counselor

*DISCLAIMER* This blog is real and personal. It is written in hopes of receiving prayer and advice on how to deal with family*

My name is Ashley.. and I have a problem. Yes.. the counselor has problems too.

My grandmother is and always has been a strong part of my life. She raised me, prayed for me, loved me and as I got older, listened to me. Over the last two years however, she has transitioned (physically and mentally) and become a different granny. The house she once lived in was bought and sold with no warning, forcing her to move into a senior citizens home in the worst part of our city. From there, she stopped working, eating and became just mean! And.. its my granny, so for me to admit this means something is different and its scary yet realistic. I would call her and she would be so rude, I would hang up the phone and just cry. I repeatedly asked God, 'what's wrong.. why is she acting like this?!' I chalked it up to her being in a depressing environment.. she never wanted to go anywhere. She stopped being active and it really bothered our family.

Then last November, my grandmother just decided she was going to leave and move to St. Louis with her daughter. I (being so smart ;), knew this was a bad (and I mean BAD) idea and eventually, this arrangement did not work (but, the outcome came with much, MUCH drama!). In April of this year, granny moved to Florida, which was assumed by my mother, uncle and I, to be the best option. Now.. here we are, one year later and my granny is back in East Chicago (again, with much drama!).

*Now, here is the kicker*

When Jocelyn was born, my grandmother came to visit. We had an incident that caused an emotional mess..She could not remember birthing my mother.. my mother was her sister (to granny). My good friend was here when this incident happened and it only got worse from there. I began researching Alzheimer's and Dementia. She was forgetting very important things and became even more mean.. like, she had a chip on her shoulder! All the time!

This situation became so emotionally draining, I had to step aside and ask: Lord.. how can this happen to my grandmother? Why is she so mean? What if she doesn't have Alzheimer's/Dementia? What now? How do we mend the broken relationships that have been caused by the decisions of my granny/family? Why are my mother and I the only ones who would entertain the idea Alzheimer's/Dementia? How does this affect my husband and my daughter?

Its hard..my granny is my homie and she's changing.. It's easier to accept when people are younger and they change, but when someone you have known for 20+ years, drastically changes.. its hard.. and sad. I love my granny.. but I'm unsure of how to feel, how to proceed. Now what?

Bearing it all,
Mrs. G

I'm Stuck!

So... I've been trying to come up with something good to write about for the past two months and I just can't come up with something worth publishing! Man, blogging can be hectic! :)

I've started on various topics.. one had to do with friendship evaluations. And, then when I re-read what I wrote, it seemed like a "Real Housewife of Atlanta" episode. The other one had to do with being the real me, but I'm so tired these days, I don't know who I am or what my name is from time to time.. Another topic was really deep to me.. it had to do with reality TV vs. real lives and what makes it deeper now, is the sudden demise of Kandi's ex-fiancee' on TRHOA and how reality TV is a depiction of what was (as early as this year) and real life is now.. even to the death of someone. I also toyed with the idea of writing on the media's horrible reporting on the personal lives of public figures (i.e. MJ, Jon and Kate Gosselin (that's a hole nother blog!) and most recently, this balloon hoax. My question for the media.. WHO CARES!?!

The good thing about my life is that I rarely have time to be creative. Jocelyn takes 2 30-40 minute naps during the day and at those times, I'm trying to either eat, wash a load of clothes or make some phone calls. So.. friends, followers, loved ones.. I'm stuck. I have several random thoughts and wish to write them down.. but that's what facebook status' are for :)..

While I come up with something that has a little more meaning to life.. just be patient with me as I move through being.. stuck. I hope to be back with something juicy, something worth reading and until then, 'who gone check me boo!?'

Dredging,
Mrs. G

Long Time, No Blog

I’ve been struggling to write this blog for the past 7 weeks. Today is the first time I have had a moment to sit down and think about what I wanted to say, to think, to feel, to share. See, 7 weeks ago today, Jeremy and I welcomed our daughter Jocelyn into this world. For 9 ½ months, we prepared for a different lifestyle and prayed for restful nights. Our preparation and prayers were answered (with more sleep than rest) but God wanted to make sure Jeremy and I understood the complete sacrifice of parenthood.

This journey has been different. I won’t say hard because with God all things are possible, but I will say different. We had to establish an alternate schedule to when each of us leaves the house, who tends to the baby, when I wash clothes and even to steal quiet moments for us. And, I wouldn’t change this sacrifice for the world. When I look in Jocelyn’s eyes, I see promise, dedication and innocence. While my body has changed dramatically in the last 2 months, my daughter helps me understand the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus. I love her so much, I find myself wanting to do anything to make sure she is safe. The things I used to do, words I used to say and emotions I used to feel, I see leaving my life because I know I have to be better! She depends on me and I can’t half step. It feels good knowing that Jesus gave His body for me and you!

Jocelyn’s calling me. I gotta run.. time is no longer mine =). Thanks for listening (well reading) and hopefully, I’ll be back soon!

Running to Jocey,
~Mrs. G

God's Favor

Over the last year, God has shown complete favor to Jeremy and I. Quoting one of my favorite Golden Girls (RIP Sophia :)), Picture it:

May 26, 2008- we were tapped to be at my ship's re-commitment ceremony of her and her husband. But, with being in a wedding the week before, traveling to a wedding the next week and me not feeling well.. we stayed at home until the day of the ceremony. My body was feeling really weird and I didn't know what was wrong. Later that week, Jeremy and I went to the doctor because my menstrual cycle was irregular and we could not understand why. In the meantime, we went to Atlanta to celebrate the marriage of our brother and sister. While we traveled, I felt horrible the entire weekend and still could not understand why. We come back from Atlanta and find that my doctor had been trying to get in contact with us and eventually she tells us that we indeed were pregnant but that my hormone levels were low. This meant we were miscarrying. All within one week, we celebrated the nuptials of our loved ones and never dreamt that we would soon be grieving the loss of our child.

We had plans to attend another wedding on June 7 but the doctor summoned us to the emergency room in Indianapolis for us to terminate the pregnancy fully, on Friday June 6. After being poked and feeling even worse, we had officially lost our child. Publicly, Jeremy and I were good.. smiling, moving past it.. still going to work as if this drastic event in our lives, never happened. Emotionally and even spiritually, we were taking a beating. I felt inadequate, alone, angry and less of a woman. And, Jeremy just didn't know what to do. We told so few people, no one knew the storm we were going through.

Eventually, the year progressed smoothly. Jeremy and I prayed and eventually, we moved past our inadequacies, anger and continued with life.

August, 2008- The Lord instructed us to relocate to a new place of worship.. because He told us to. We love our church family but when God says move.. you gotta move! It's here that we begin to see God for who He truly is. In September, the I Want God Conference was a true success but I somehow fell while singing in the concert and sprain my knee. I'm thinking.. can it get any worse?!

Within a month, we were pregnant again! Look at God :).. And, this pregnancy was legit! How ironic though.. we sat down and prayed that in God's timing, we would have a baby with a peaceful pregnancy and healthy delivery! (So far, so good!!) In the meantime.. Jeremy got accepted to Duke's Divinity School in North Carolina and eventually, he would get a new job making more money! And, finally, I graduated with my Master's degree after a tumultuous 3 years of headaches, negativity and favor!

Look at God! While the story could really go one and one and one.. God has shown the Gilmore's, true favor! This testimony is just a small portion of what God has done for us immediately. I could write pages about what He's done for our family, friends and more on us.. but I think you get the point! Stay obedient! God honors that thus, He blesses! Now.. we're not perfect! I mess up daily.. but being in God's will has allowed me to realize that when I do what He asks/says.. life is so much easier! My appeal to you is to get in His will!! God's favor is fair.. He's the man!! :)

Praising Him,
~Mrs. G

The Importance of Communication

On Monday night, Jeremy and I (along with probably several thousand people) watched the season premiere of Jon and Kate Plus 8 on TLC. As a minister and a counselor, Jeremy and I dissected their relationship and came to the conclusion, that Jon and Kate just need to communicate! Each had a lot to say but they did not say it to each other.

In a relationship, any relationship.. communication is key. Often, in friendships and relationships with mothers, aunts, and significant others, we neglect to acknowledge that there is a problem. Or we recognize the problem and either sweep it under the rug or fail to communicate in an effective way.

So, I've begun to look at communication like eating. It's crucial to life!! If we don't eat, we get angry, cranky, tired and rude. If we don't communicate, we find ourselves resenting others, ourselves, angry (and usually unsure why) and fail to see how this lack of communication is affecting not only ourselves but those that surround us. And, don't say that you are ok with not speaking to this person anymore, if an argument or disagreement occurs. That's one, not of God and two, a lie! Apparently, if you had a miscommunication with someone that was close to you and you are upset over the situation, the person obviously means something to your life!

I say this to say, talk.. open up, be tactful and respectful in what you have to say, but talk!! And, you can even write it down, text or email yourself so you know what you want to say and practice how to say it. BUT.. talk about the situation! If you find yourself unable to talk, the bible does speak about a mediator. Find someone that you both trust to help cease the conflict.

Jon and Kate showed me the importance of communicating when I'm disappointed and the joy in talking when I'm happy.

So, I challenge you to talk! You never want the sun to go down when you're angry. (Ephesians 4:26.)


Signing Off,
~Mrs. G

Ephesians 4:26.. Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

Generational Curses

In October, Jeremy and I found out we were having our first child. And, over the last 8 months, I've found myself asking question after question regarding the negative and positive things that plague our families. Why have people been married more than once? Why are some people not married? What makes him/her act this way? When am I going to get over this problem? Does Jeremy's side of the family all act this way?

And I began pondering what causes these questions.. generational curses! And.. don't act brand new! All (most) families have something that is repetitive from one generation to the next..



More recently, we've had a family transition that really hurts me emotionally. While I can't go into details yet (simply because I don't know how too), I know that God is stirring something up and it causes me to think.. how are we going to rid our lives of these curses so our daughter does not have to encounter the things we have seen, heard, felt?



So.. we pray over her and us! I rebuke satan when it comes to my families problems. For real! I don't want to deal with it but our daughter WILL NOT deal with them! As a mom (and I'm sure a dad :), we become protective of our children.. what they encounter.. who they encounter and to protect them from the familial drama we have to deal with. Please pray for us as I deal with this transition, and that we continue to pray over, around, with and for our daughter so she does not have to deal with these curses.. pornography, hard hearts, bad attitudes, gossip, etc.

Thanks for listening.. I just needed to ramble in this one :). So, God Bless you for letting me ramble..

Til next week!
~Mrs. G

Being Found-For the Ladies!

This week, my husband (Jeremy) and I will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. Being married over the last 3 years has definitely taught me a lot about myself and what it takes to be a wife.

In these three years, ladies.. I have come to learn and understand the steps that a women must take for God to send her a husband.. While I am not perfect and have (and will continue) to make many mistakes in my own marriage.. there are ten things that I feel led to share with you on understanding God's plan for blessing you with a mate.

1. Know who God is first! Maya Angelou has this saying.. "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her." This is so true! As women, we have to be in love with the ultimate MAN first.. GOD! Once you truly love Him.. your mate will love Him and eventually you too. The bible says, "A Man that findth a wife, findth a good thing."

2. Know who you are. As women (especially African-American women), we struggle with balancing the home, children, life, family and get lost in who we are. Before you can know what you are looking for in a man, know who you are as a woman. It's no easy task, but it's so worth it!

3. Love you! Forgive you! Trust you! These three verbs can be the hardest things for a woman to do.. embrace yourself; move past the people (men) or even yourself, who have wronged you; and learn to place confidence in yourself. Journal these feelings.. become a blogger (lol!) But.. learn how to love, forgive and trust yourself..

4. Leave the baggage behind! Yes! We all have baggage! No one comes into a relationship without baggage! *Remember that Mary J. Blige commercial, where all the Mary's are in her new truck and she leaves those Louis Vutton bags on a stoop? We must have the wisdom to leave many things behind. Think about it? What man wants a woman with so much baggage, it's wearing her, him and the relationship down? All them bags, gone hurt your back (and ultimately your heart).

5. A man is not for you to find.. it's for God to send. In a nutshell, this man will find you (refer to #1). Going to the club is not going to find you the man that you deserve..

6. Don't be extra this or not enough of that. So, you're asking yourself: what is she talking about? From talking to Jeremy and studying relationships, I've come to understand that men are visual creatures. When a man sees a woman, with too much make up and not enough personality; or too small clothes and not enough confidence or even too big clothes and not enough lip gloss.. they're turned off! Jeremy always tells me to keep it simple. Now, for some, that's a struggle but trust and believe.. the more simple the gift wrap, the better the gift is when he opens it.

7. Understand that men are not perfect. Yes, ladies.. they're not. But.. God designed them the way they are, for a reason!

8. God will send you a man that is unattached. When you go searching for a man, you're bound to find one with so much drama.. you begin to think it's ok to be in a drama filled relationship. It's not! A Godly relationship has conflicts and miscommunication, but DRAMA is just unnecessary!

9. Pre-marital sex does not guarantee you a mate. Yes.. it's the pot calling the kettle black (I've done my dirt before I was married but that in no way makes it easier for me to tell you that sex before marriage is wrong). God ordained sex to be an intimate connection between a man and his wife. 1 Cor 7:9 says, "It's better to marry than to burn." That does not mean, go get married to have sex, but understand why you feel the need to have sex before you're committed to this person anyway.. if God sent him, sex can wait..

10. When you're mate comes.. you'll know. Don't rush. While there are great things about being married.. know that, to whom much is given, much is required. There's no turning back at the altar..

I know this blog got a little (well, a lot ;) long but it's important to share with you, that being found.. is a blessing! God's timing is impeccable and when it's time for you to have a mate, you'll know.

Til next week,
~Mrs. G

So.. a New Journey Begins

Wow! This is new.. this public writing thing.. I've often wondered what made people interested in writing for the entire world to see. And, while I finally understand, I figured I'd try it to! :)

So.. welcome to I Am Who I Am.. a testimony of my life, made public! This is definitely a journey! Why? Because in the black community, we're taught to keep our lives private. But.. with new technology, it's so easy to give you an address to find out what I'm living.. feeling.. thinking.. loving..hating.. hoping..praying.

Pray with me as this new journey begins. I welcome this new opportunity and feel good about getting 'it' out on paper..

So.. sit down, sit back, stand up.. walk.. facebook, twitter, whatever.. as you learn about me. I Am Who I Am and I'm interested in you, lerning who I am as well..