Monday, February 11, 2013

I Wish...

Death sucks. Yes. It. Does.

Within two months, Jeremy and I have lost my beloved Granny, my high school best friend Ashley and Jeremy's uncle, Mr. Nobody (the best nickname ever). As you grow older, you always here 'life is so short,' 'forgive and move on,' 'call such and such when you think about it-- you never know when the last time will be.'
Here I am on the other side of these phrases. 

I wish I would have called my Granny on that Saturday-- but I went to a sorority meeting and never got around to it. I got caught up with my own stuff... I never got to tell her I loved her one more time. Now, I try to remember our last conversation or replay her voice in my head.. My Granny meant/means so much to me-- calling my mother's house and not asking about her, still feels unreal. I have to catch myself from even mentioning her sometime, for a fear, that I'll make myself sad. My Granny.....

Ironically, on December 2, when I posted on fb that we needed prayer, Ashley commented on my post, asking if I was ok. I never responded or thanked her because I was grieving and preparing for Jaelle. I found  out on Christmas from my brother, Curtis, that she passed. I immediately found a mutual friend and the news was confirmed. Ashley Jordon, 29, had died. Ashley and I threw our Sweet 16 birthday party together (we're 4 days apart) and spent all of our high school years together. We fought, argued, had slumber parties, wore each clothes (what I could fit), she braided my hair, went on college tours and graduated. Our last conversation was the 'no matter where you are, you'll always be my sister' speech. I wish I could tell her I love her and that she would know-- I truly care for her.

Mr. Nobody (aka Donnell Williams) was Jeremy's uncle. He was a Vet, worked hard for his family and served the Lord. Every since I've known him, he's been in a wheelchair from health complications. Most recently, his aching and failing body became tired and he actually passed on his birthday--January 18. He's famous for his nickname, Mr. Nobody because it's pretty cool but one important tidbit? He always gave Jeremy $2 bills!! I forgot they existed until I met Mr. Nobody. I wish when we saw him in August, that I would have told him that I appreciate the $2 bills because they're rare, special unique--- just like him.

Death sucks. But, what sucks more is wishing you could say something to someone who is still living. Say something-- call them-- hear their voice. Because once they take the last breath-- you wish you could remember how they said your name or laughed or prayed. Don't wait until tomorrow-- it really may be too late.

Still Wishing,
~Mrs. G

1 comment:

  1. Ashley, I completely understand. I remember the day I got off the airplane from visiting my closest and dearest friend who is our sorority sister too. I was thinking while getting into my car I should visit my mother. Ironically every time I would leave the airport in Indianapolis I would be geographically confused. I told myself if I was headed in the direction of my mother's house I would go see her, but this time I was actually in the right direction for Bloomington. I told myself I would visit my mother the next weekend, but it bothered me and I kept thinking I should go see her. I made it to Bloomington that evening and a few days later my sister called to say our mother was found dead. For me it isn't death that sucks, but sometimes my actions. I am now listening to that voice more and trying to pay attention to the little things.

    ReplyDelete