My Granny, My Blessing

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy New You and all that good stuff! I can NOT believe it has been almost two months since my last post. There has been so much going on, I'd have to blog all day to tell you what was going on..but, like the older saints used to say at my home church, 'Charge it to my head and not my heart!'

Now, if you go back through my blog, you'll read that my granny has Alzheimer's Disease. Over the past two years, the progression of this disease has been extremely rapid. When we first started noticing little odds and ends, my mother, aunt, uncle and myself, thought nothing of it..until she came to help take care of Jocelyn and didn't know that she had three children (she couldn't remember giving birth to my mom). After that, things got extremely difficult and it seemed almost instantly, she went from stage 1 to stage 3-4. (In case you're not familiar with Alzheimer's Disease, follow this link for more information http://www.alz.org/)

As the disease got worse.. so did my granny's actions, vocabulary and of course, memory. She lost a generation of her family. My mother and I are her sisters and she doesn't remember that some of her siblings have passed away (my granny is the oldest of 12!) Her prognosis bothered me slightly until she know longer knew who I was. I was hurt and sad that the person I admired and loved, did not know that I was Ashley, her granddaughter--whom she raised. I tried to let it go and to not think about it.. I kept telling myself that it was the disease.. and I know it is. But, being forgotten, is.. well.. hurtful. I eventually cried and cried and cried.. and I prayed and prayed and prayed.. that my granny would always be, my granny. That I would not let this disease allow me to forget who she was and is to me.. that I would cherish her just the same as I did when she knew me.. the wisdom and kind heart she showed toward others, stays with me.. regardless of her mind.

Last weekend, I was able to go home and while it was soo good to be with my mother, in laws and sisters from other mothers, it was still hard to see my granny. She didn't know totally who I was and I could see in her eyes, she barely knows who anyone is.. it was disheartening. However, at the end of my trip, the somewhat hardest moment came when we put my granny into the Alzheimer's unit of a nursing home. It has been a difficult week because of so many transitions (me returning to Durham sick, Jocelyn sick, work, Jeremy's school work, the Indiana snowstorm) but my mom goes and visits when she can and reassures me that my granny is all good.. having fun and that this will help her, as the Alzheimer's progresses. I wasn't convinced until I talked to her myself and she sounded so peaceful.. that put me at ease. My mom then told me Granny even has a little circle of friends and they get their hair done! Lol.. I can see my granny getting pampered and loving it.. :)

Just wanted to keep you up-to-date on my granny. The aging process is difficult so please continue to pray for my granny and our family.. Thanks for taking this journey with me too.. this has truly helped me, help my family. :)

Joyful for my Granny,

~Mrs. G

(I lovingly borrowed the saying, my granny, my blessing from my best friends, Tennia. Thanks, T! :)

Tis the Season Update

Update: God is in the blessing business!! At the beginning of the week, I was feeling down by having given the last of what we had.. and, low and behold, a blessed couple, blessed us with a gift card for food and gas!! Look at God! Now, I'm not telling you to tithe so that you can get something in return, I'm telling you to tithe because God honors your faith and devotion to Him.. Jesus is the reason to give!

Miracle on Mayfield,

~Mrs. G

Today on facebook (my favorite past time—hey, don’t judge me!), I put on my status that I needed a miracle. I said that because Jeremy and I are down to our last (and I mean our complete last) and with the little money we do have, I paid tithes. And mentally, I kept trying to come up with a reason to wait to give..I would forget and think about it and get convicted and try to ration with God.. I feel like I work so hard for the little money I do make that I need to keep something!

And then, I thought about the season we’re in.. and I think the real reason I want more money (because in all actuality—its more than enough) is so I can get things I want.. a pretty Christmas tree, lights for Jocelyn to break (smh), really nice gifts for our family members and just to say we have (and maybe so I can get some shoes out of the deal—but hey! Don’t judge me!)

But I get convicted because I would get upset with people who talk more about presents than the real reason for the Christmas season.. CHRIST! Growing up, I would hear my friends talk about what they would get their parents or as adults, what they would get their kids and I never understood, why getting broke for some gifts were so important! And here I am, complaining about not having enough for the same things I got frustrated about.

And then it dawned on me!

My miracle has already happened! The real and ultimate reason for CHRISTmas! Jesus! Emmanuel!

Yes, Christmas is pretty with lights and bows and money is funny and comes and goes but joy, love and more of Christ is the real reason for this season. The ultimate blessing in this is that Jeremy and I can teach Jocelyn about the real meaning of Christmas without the presents but with the presence of Jesus (ponder that).

Now, here I am at the end of the blog, no longer worried about the money we don’t have but the joy we do have for what we have. We still wake up in a warm home, with food and diapers, cable and toys. How can I be so ungrateful!? Forgive me Lord! And thank You for being the ultimate miracle!

As the 25th approaches, please remember the real reason for Christmas. It’s difficult to purchase presents and to give, if we don’t know why we’re giving.


Learning presents vs. presence,
~Mrs. G

The First 45

Wow! Time has truly flown by! It’s November already, meaning that a new year is approaching!!

For me, this year has been the year of faith. Growing up, I wasn’t taught how or when to activate my faith.. so this year has been difficult as I’ve learned to come into my own—spiritually and somehow through that, emotionally. But, this post is not to discuss my faith or my journey...

This post is about you! With 45 days left in this year I’m writing to urge you to do something (within God’s eyes) that you never thought possible... to step out on faith and watch how transformed your mind, your actions, your daily routine becomes.

God has been really been working with me on numbers and understanding how He works.. in His time. (I’ll get into this in another blog—soon.. I promise!)—Often, we are stifled by what we can’t see and don’t know.. but surrendering everything to God.. is so awesome.. and makes life less complicated. Before we moved, my best friend encouraged me by saying, “your move is like jumping and not looking.. and having the faith to know that God will land you securely where you need to be.” (Thanks, BFF!)

So for you, unsure of how to manage a relationship, unsure of which career path to take, what church to go to.. you have 45 days to take baby steps in your faith journey.. I guarantee you by January 1, the New Year’s resolution you usually create, will not be necessary because you trust God to do the unthinkable.

Prayer is essential for this 45 day journey so email me (gilmore06@gmail.com) and I will pray with you. Please know that surrendering is not an easy task.. it’s going to be difficult and emotionally draining but He promised us that He will never leave us.. He’s a comforter! And that is reassuring to know :).

So.. let the 45 day journey begin… I hope today you step out on faith and watch what mountains {see below} you move!

Moving Mountains,
~Mrs. G


Matthew 17:19-21 (NLT)--Afterward the disciples asked Jesus privately, “Why couldn’t we cast out that demon?” “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

My Two JA(D)G's

I have been thinking about what I would blog about for the past week.. and I couldn't come up with anything worth writing or reading about.. until, I thought of what makes me happy..

and these two make me happy :)

Since we've moved to Durham, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions.. (as you can read in my previous posts) and no matter what.. Jeremy and Jocelyn have been encouraging in one way or another.


Like Jeremy, for instance, listens when I can not decide what I want to do with anything! My hair, school, career.. he's always listening and praying. Through my tears, he manages to make me laugh and through my smile, he manages to make me smile harder. Even with his intense school load, he's there for me.



And Jocelyn, my little poo-poo, never ceases to amaze me! Like, when she blows me kisses or jumps on me when we're lying on the floor.. Or how she knows sign language and loves helping me in the kitchen! Such an inquisitive little person! Her smile melts my heart and her tantrums make me cringe.. but she's there for me..

So, I dedicate this blog to my JA(d)G's.. My two loves, my hearts, my encouragement..

*Photography by Elaine Bollhorst of Bloomington, Indiana

Giant Drop

If you have ever heard of Six Flags (there's one near the Chicago area, Texas, over St. Louis, Atlanta, etc), they have this ride called the Giant Drop. This ride sits 227 feet in the air, rises slowly after being locked in with a metal bar, no foot rest and drops suddenly at 62 MPH to the ground. The ride lasts 1 min and 30 sec.

Like this and any roller coaster, over the last two weeks, I have been so uncomfortable. Its so hard to explain but I am not sure how to handle this move. I've only gone out sporadically, not by myself and find comfort in our new apartment. Jeremy and everyone else remind me that everything will workout or to become aggressive in my job search..but in reality, to me, that's easy for everyone to say because Jeremy has school and the encouragement is..well, comfortable. It's hard to feel like things will be ok when I have no idea what I want or what to expect. And while I'm grateful for the support of our family and friends, I feel like my feet are dangling beneath me with no indication of when I will feel the world to stand on. For the first time in 5 years, I am totally insecure.. I know I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, and I know one thing...

My life is no giant drop! I know that my security consists of more than a bar that rests across me and while I may not see it, I know that in His time, all will work. Eventually, I will land on my feet and feel the security that only comes with assurance in God and not in people. It's hard right now, (and I mean REAL hard) but God will reveal Himself in His time.

Pray for my self esteem.. starting over is not all its cracked up to be.. more specifically, pray that I am able to assert myself to be and do what I'm supposed to do in Durham.

Holding on,
~Mrs. G

Emotional Rollercoaster

So, this is probably my last Indiana blog! The big move is 2 days away and I am a whirlwind of emotions! I'm peaceful because I know that God has directed our path.. I'm extremely sad because we're leaving our mothers, my granny and extended family; work. But, a little unsure (yet faithful) of whats to come and excited for the mini vacay as we explore what the town has to offer and to experience life closer to both the ocean and the mountains..

Stay tuned to our video blog! We're chronologing our journey from Indiana to North Carolina.. It's going to be so fun!! :) The next time I talk to you.. I'll be a Durham resident!

Ready for the ride,
~Mrs. G

Baby Steps

In May, Jocelyn would take a couple of steps and fall down. It was like she wanted to walk but something kept her down.. I thought she was nervous or bashful that we (I) wanted her to walk so badly, that she just wouldn't do it. I eventually realized Jocelyn didn't either trust herself to make these steps, or us to keep her from falling.


Like faith, we all have these moments.. in my faith walk, I first began with no steps.. then, baby steps. Although I'm an adult and have known Jesus for quite some time, I often took (and still revert back to) baby steps--one step at a time or would fall when it comes to my faith walk.. because I couldn't trust God to keep me from falling. Moving away from our family, friends, sorors and church family, has been the hardest thing I have ever had to encounter.. moving with no job, no sense of a plan, with limited funds, has been emotionally draining. But, as I watched my daughter grow more confident in her walking abilities, I too became more comfortable with relocating and have complete trust that my steps are ordered by God. Once Jocelyn started walking, I became less worried on how we were going to make this transition more comfortable and more at peace with moving to a new beginning.


I thank God for my mother-- who inspite of her baby leaving, supports our faith move; my mother-in-law for giving Jeremy the final encouragement he's needed; my best friends (from both EC and Bloomington) for giving me the push I need as a wife and mother to be secure in taking care of my family; my church family and life group for being our spiritual sound board and for Jeremy.. for trusting God to take our ministry to new heights, in Him.


Next time you're feeling like you are unsure of your next steps, begin taking baby steps.. God will do the rest!

Walking confidently with Jocelyn,
~Mrs. G

Bold Faith

When Jeremy used to teach campus bible study, every week my prayer request was for Bold Christianity. Every week, in addition to my other prayer requests, I stressed the importance of being Bold in our Christian walks, exercising our faith and being a solider for God. Most recently however, as we are preparing to move to NC, I haven’t been as bold in my walk, as I once professed. And even as of yesterday, my faith has been unwavering as I can’t see what God is going to do in our family, as we take this huge step.

We move in 8 weeks and I do not have a job yet. I have been feeling so unsure as to what I am supposed to do for income—to feed our family, to pay for insurance.. you know, the things we need to live. See, this move puts me in an uncomfortable position..we’re moving away from family, friends, confidence in who we are.. to a city, where we only know a few people, which makes me uncomfortable.

My discomfort has caused me to be faithless and honestly, I was hesitant to go because I was being selfish. I can’t help but wonder if the reason why God has not provided me with a clear vision as to what I will be doing August 2, is because I’m an infant in my faith walk. Well, I lack faith all together (in this regard). God can’t and won’t bless any of us, if we don’t boldly declare our faith and the Blood of Jesus over our circumstances, job, finances, health, etc.

So today, I boldly declare productivity in this move, me with a clear vision for our family and true, bold faith as we transition from one place to another. Please lift us up; we’re on a countdown to move to the Tar Heel State!

Praying for Bold Faith,
~Mrs. G

Mother's Day Shout Out

Today is my first official Mother's Day! I have a God-daughter, so I would have a 'God Mother's Day," but this is the first time I have a child that I carried for 9 months, here to call me 'Ma-ma.' I just want to shout-out to all the mom's that are doing what God ordained us to do.. be patient, learn, grow, sow (and to some sew), pray, talk, listen and love. A special shout-out to my own mother, Hope A. Lewis, my granny Nellie B. Thomas, my Mother-In-Law- Miss Gus and my other Mother-In Law, Veronica Brown, for showing me characteristics that I would love to pass on to Jocelyn.

If God called your mom home already, remember that God placed mother like figures in your life to continue caring, loving and listening the way your own mother did. It may not be the same, but trust that God knew best.

Finally, a thank you to the ultimate Mother, Mary! For carrying a Son that does everything for us, more than what we have and can ever imagine!

Happy Mother's Day and God Bless you!

Mothering,
~Mrs. G

Mustard Seed Faith

*Drum Roll Please*

The Gilmore’s are… MOVING! July 31st, our family is relocating to Durham, North Carolina (come on an raise up... you know the rest). Jeremy has been accepted to Duke’s Divinity School and after much prayer, God has sent us on our way... clear across the country :).

*This is the first of the next couple of blogs on faith and our move to North Carolina*

While this may be exciting news for us, it is also extremely terrifying for me. I’ve been in Indiana all of my life and while I have traveled, I never imagined leaving the state or everything I know (my family, friends, sorors, job, security), to move somewhere where I have none of that (at this time.) Yet, Jeremy has his cohort and Jocelyn will be one, she can adapt! But, for me and I’m sure many of you, being comfortable is….well, comforting! But people have been extremely supportive and encouraging. But most importantly, God has been working on me and my faith. Well, the lack of thereof.

So, I am a Christian. I grew up in the church. Got baptized when I was 5 or 6 and did the church thing for years but I never really knew what faith was, until now. Total, true and absolute faith is not seeing something and knowing that it is there. It’s like being dark in the middle of the night and having to go get a drink of water. You know where the kitchen is and to prevent waking yourself up, you trust in you to get you to the kitchen to get that water.. but when it comes to our lives, we lack the trust in God to get us from one moment to the next! So, why do we trust us in the dark but not trust God with our lives?! For me, I am truly learning that faith is not depending on God to feed and clothe me and my family, but to take care of my (our) every need.. that one little grain of a mustard seed can take us far! Imagine if we had the faith of the entire mustard seed! Wow!!

Here it is May 3, 2010 and I have finally come to terms and accepted the fact that we are relocating! And while I am apprehensive, I am truly excited!

Take this journey with our family as we learn what it means to truly depend on God. I am so excited about where we’re going! Come on! Get excited with us!

Faithful,
~Mrs. G

Much Needed Prayers

The effectual fervent prayers of the righteous availeth much (James 5:16b).

Recently, I have been going through! I mean.. I can't tell if I'm coming or going. There are so many situations going on in my life and my family, that I am just mentally exhausted! Focusing on one thought daily, has become tedious.. and its get hard to keep going. I have great days because Jeremy and Jocelyn motivate me and my God teaches me, but the bad days are so low.. I feel like I could literally crawl under a rock and stay there.

So, this blog is to ask you to pray with and for me. Familial, we've got some big changes coming up and, God is moving in The Gilmore Ministry.. But, dealing with the world can be overwhelming.. so, please during your prayer time, mediation time, talks with the Master.. kindly whisper my name, for strength, peace and for my family.

On Bended Knee,
~Mrs. G

The Virtue of Patience

You know.. today has truly been a test of patience. And, I think.. no, I know I failed. My granny is visiting for the Easter holiday and to give my mom a break. When she came to visit while Jeremy was in Africa (by the way check out his blog.. www.faithtravels.blogspot.com), things were ok for the most part. During that visit however, I knew the Alzheimer's has claimed some more brain cells and that this battle, was only going to get worse. My granny told me that I was not her granddaughter and basically, she didn't know who I was. Because I was so busy, I couldn't cry or even think about it until I was on my way back to Bloomington and it hurt.. To know the granny, I love so dearly.. my homie.. didn't and couldn't return that love. Alzheimer's is a beast!

Fast forward to today.. I brought my granny back to Bloomington and I think I may be regretting that move. When I met my Aunt in Indianapolis to pick granny up, she was wearing a gown and said it was a dress.. I knew then, in just 3 short weeks, she was deteriorating, quickly. When we got home, the stuff hit the fan! She thought I was her sister and just snapped! I became all types of names.. liar, thief, low-down and what made it worse.. she told Jocelyn was not my daughter.. in front of my daughter! Now.. you may think that is not a big deal or she's not in her right mind.. but, it js hard to still deal with that! So, the virtue of patience kicks in. Instead of yelling back, I calmly explained to my granny that she has a disease that causes her to not remember who I am, where she is or what day of the week it is. That did not calm her down and she said she was leaving (now, here I did get huffy.. but not loud) So.. in an effort to maintain my coolness, Jocey and I left the house. I tried to call my best friends and just like I knew He would, God allowed both to be busy. So, I drove in silence and prayed for strength and extra patience.

I know the Lord is teaching me how to be patient and to understand the aging process, but its getting hard.. and, I'm losing it.. slowly. So, please, please, PUH-lease pray that I am able to maintain sanity this week, not only for my own health, but for my family. When my grandmother leaves, we have to still live here and we like our peace! Lift us up, ya'll..it's hard out here in B-town!

Losing Patience,
~Mrs. G

The Gilmore's- 10 Year Update

On Thursday, Jeremy and I will have been together (as a couple) for 10 (count them..10!) years! In 2000, I don't know where I saw our relationship going but over the last 10 years, I truly appreciate where our relationship has come from and where we are going.

The first five years were pretty good. We communicated and grew together and eventually grew apart.

*Let me first say that without mad counseling and the Lord, Jeremy and I would not be husband and wife. See, in 2005, when we both graduated with our 1st degrees, our relationship was in shambles. I was an unfaithful girlfriend who liked to party and he was a busy boyfriend, preaching the Gospel. Not a good match..or so we thought. We had been engaged for a year on the day I graduated and Jeremy knew what his next step was.. and I didn't. I had no idea what to do with my life and I felt like he was leaving me behind. Yet, instead of me communicating this with him, I sought companionship in someone else. This drove a further wedge between our relationship.

I was in East Chicago and Jeremy was still in Bloomington working for a summer program. The distance put a strain on our communicating and we barely talked. So, I drove to Bloomington in so that Jeremy and I can end our engagement and eventually, our relationship.

However..there was a ram in the bush.. Jesus, prayer and counseling, communicating and faith, saved our relationship.. and here we are today.. happy, learning, growing and exploring. And while I have complained about Rev. G, he stood by me when I was learning me and he's helped me see the good in me and other people. I truly appreciate him! After all the drama, mess and foolishness, Jeremy noticed something in me, that I didn't and stuck it out. And, I'm grateful.

So.. I dedicate this post to my baby daddy, my ultimate best friend, the man that makes me laugh everyday and my pastor.. Happy 10 years, Jeremy. I look forward to many more years with you.

Gotta a mighty, mighty good man,
~Mrs. G

When I Remember..

Today, I'm a 27 years-old. Yay!! Happy birthday to me! Even though I'm a year older, I remember so many things! (Some say the older you get, the less you remember.. that's not the case for me!)

I remember when I got my first TV or when I had to go to a Catholic School for getting into trouble.. (Yes, I was bad! :).. I remember grieving the loss of my father and hating the first two years and loving the last two years of high school. I remember working every summer since I was 15 and not knowing where my money went.. and driving around East Hammond with my girls.. I remember making great friends at Purdue and joining the best sorority! EE-yip! I remember the first card Jeremy got me (10 years ago today!) and our wedding day..being so high. And last year, realizing on my next birthday- I was going to be someone's mother.

Through all of these memories, I know what has kept me.. My homie, Jesus. He's allowed me to grow so much in my 27 years.. to love people and most importantly, to love me! 10 years ago, I didn't love me.. I didn't even know me. But, today..I love the new me.. So, Happy birthday to me! The beginning of a real, new year!

Wanting some cake,
~Mrs. G

Bearing My Fruit

Things have been rough recently with my granny. I've experienced countless emotions: from anger to sadness and even joy and humor (if I don't laugh, I'll cry all the time!) Its hard dealing with my mom, my granny and manage my immediate household. Jeremy and Jocelyn need me too.. But, these days I've found myself losing patience with anything that crosses my path.. Its getting rough out here on these streets!

So, Wednesday in my Life Group (shout out to my LG! :), I learned in Galatians 5, that as a Christian wife and mother, I need to bear the fruit that I need the most work on: Patience. In order to know how to water this fruit patience, I first needed to know what it meant.. so I looked it up! And according to Merriam-Webster, patience is: bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint; steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity; able or willing to bear. Not hasty or impetuous; manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain.

Man! Who knew patience entailed all of that! Not complaining, being calm, being able to bear all of the strain that comes with knowing my granny who has Alzheimer's Disease, doesn't remember I'm her granddaughter or a mother who is enrolled in a Master's program and being the only visually impaired student or having a husband who may not know what it means to be extremely close to a grandparent or a daughter who is moving so fast, you wonder if time can slow down, just a little.

BUT! This month, I have resolved in my own mind to be calm, cool and patient. To attempt to take my complaints from my mouth and focus on how I need to grow from all of this. I thank God He made me someone who can let go of what I used to be, to become who I need to be: a woman who endures adversity and grows from them.

This month, I challenge you to find the fruit in your life that either needs planting or watering.. learn how you can grow and be better.. and maybe more patient.

Watering my seed,
~Mrs. G